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Teen Poetry #4
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North
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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North |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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(I built this format awhile ago for a different poem, but I like it. I rearranged the syllable counts on this one, but the rhyme scheme is the same. A drawback to building formats is that you grow attached to them all too often. Enjoy.) With a spoon I take my eyes and I lay them on a platter while the fluid on them dries I can medicate my sores With a pen I mark my hand as a pit of generations While the beasts survey the land through the windows in their doors When I show the beasts their meal will the doors begin to open? shall my life become surreal let me leave this land behind? With a hand defaced with pen will I tap upon the window? Counting slowly up to ten in my freshly rotten mind? Still in fear I scamper forth clutching close my sacred present to the towers in the north where my history awaits As I stand before my goal and I scratch upon the portal I embody my new role watching men pursue their fates [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very nicely done here allan, I liked this format but don't feed us too much of the same thing......like a song it'll get boring. Keep the variety there.... Very nice job on this one.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Dark Enchantress Senior Member
since 1999-07-27
Posts 1258meet Morgana |
Very cool.  I don't normally toil with formats anyway so the fact that you really worked at it makes it that much better. It displays a well written and thought out piece.  I am no one if not myself. Angel of Darkness |
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
I like the style of this. Thanks for posting it. |
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Starr Member
since 2001-02-08
Posts 100 |
I like this one.... cool.... style is preferred to me |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
north, very good... i like north, this poem was great also, probably one of the deeper ones Jeremy Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
diferent rhyming style, it goes by stanza the flow was really good magnificent write thanks for the read So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
I'm in agreement with acire on this one. Nice flow. GOod job *Jennifer "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Yo there. The first time I read this, it made no sense. But maybe that's cuz I read it too fast..The second time, I went slower, and saw all the great imagery you've prepared. I can almost begin to interpret the symbolism..but not quite...Maybe I'll keep reading it... ~Carly "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
I love this! The words are ... I'm at a loss for words! and that DOESN'T happen to me usually!! Good one! "Some men see things as they are and say why. I dream things that never were and say why not." ~RFK |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
I'd have to agree with everyone else that the one thing here that stands out is the format. Haven't seen it personally, but different is always good. I also liked your opening stanza. "You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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