Jeremy's Haiku Challenge- ?New life?

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Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

0 posted 2001-02-15 05:47 PM

Here is my pathic attempt at a haiku.

Golden rays above,
Lilies cry there morning dew,
Life has just begun.

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

1 posted 2001-02-15 06:29 PM

Pathetic?!?

This isn't bad at all. The imagery here is quite well done. I think this is a fine haiku.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

2 posted 2001-02-15 07:30 PM

I actually love it. Better than mine

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-02-15 07:45 PM

Hey wow I loved the second line!!!
WOW...very nice!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-02-15 08:01 PM

I think we have a winner. ^_^
Well, IMO anyway. Great job! Second line was nice, as was fitting to the other two.
You are an excellent Haikuist.
-Allan

When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda

Greeneyes617
Member

since 2000-11-22

Posts 329
Arkansas

5 posted 2001-02-15 10:00 PM

lol....It was kind of hard to write about something "bright, and lively" with rain pouring down outside my window. I love haiku's. There my fav. Short, simple, and packed with meaning. Thank you for you kind replys.

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

6 posted 2001-02-15 10:20 PM

This one is really good, nice job on it

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

7 posted 2001-02-15 11:20 PM

nice nice, ill agree it was very good but you didnt describe the picture! hehe, it was great tho!

jeremy

Life is fading me away, far away, but I’m sketching myself back, line by line, mark by mark.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

8 posted 2001-02-17 05:02 PM

Hi there! I like this. And would like to know if we can publish it in Digital Passions, the newsletter here? Just reply in this post or email me! Thanks.

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

9 posted 2001-03-04 10:13 AM

I'm getting ready to do this, may I use this poem?

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

10 posted 2001-03-04 11:16 AM

Not pathetic at all..
Bel

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