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Teen Poetry #4
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If I Were Going To Need You
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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If I Were Going To Need You |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA 
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If I were going to need you I'd need the smile that lightsmy way I'd need the arms that comfort me I'd need the eyes that look deep in my soul I'd need the warmth of your touch to warm me I'd need your laugh to dry my tears If I were going to need you it needn't be because I'm lonely or because I'm sad and miserable it needn't be because I'm crying or because I have no one else If I were going to need you it would be because I finally understand I am nothing without you holding me, sharing my laughter, and sharing my dreams. [This message has been edited by Angelwings (edited 02-15-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Chelsea Thompson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Martini Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 308Toronto, Ontario, Canada |
Beautiful poem... I know exactly how you felt when you wrote this. I've been there!! There is nothing better than realizing that you need a person because of who they are and not because of what you're missing.  "In three words I can sum up everything I learned about life: It Goes On" ~Robert Frost |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Angel, this is so beautiful. I love the ending. I hope you decide to join us more in here, and share more. I'll be here waiting to read more of your works So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
This is lovely. Nice to meet you! Advice? Well in line 6, the word "up" sounds unnecessary to me. Just something that I had in mind. Be grateful that this is the only criticism I can offer. ~_^ -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA |
Thank you fellow poets~ I appreciate your criticism and your words of encouragement. I hope to read all of your poetry. Thank you and good luck in future writings. |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
aww, yes this was very good...definetly a touching piece. keep writing and sharing *dq ¤Sometimes the hardest thing to get over, is something you never really had¤ |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA |
Thanks Dancing Queen~ I'll keep sharing thanks for the kind words good luck in future writing. |
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StratMatt Member
since 1999-09-19
Posts 87Macomb, IL, U.S.A. |
This is an excellent poem. It makes me wish I had someone writing me poetry like this! the only criticism I see is one already mentioned, taking the word "up" out of line 6 makes it flow much more gracefully. If you can express yourself so wonderfully all the time when you write, I look forward to reading everything you post. |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA |
Stratmatt~ Thank you very much for your very kind words. I look forward to reading your poems as well. Good luck in future writings. Chelsea (message edited) |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
This is really pretty. Just sweet, and pretty. I liked it a lot!!  xoxo Jenn "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
*is gentle* Very nice job on this.......I thought it was smashing old bean!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Angelwings Member
since 1999-08-27
Posts 222IL, USA |
Thank you all for your time to read and respond to my poetry. I really enjoy getting feedback. And good luck to you all in future writings. |
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