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Teen Poetry #4
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A lost Valentine...
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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A lost Valentine... |
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ssj2HolyKnight New Member
since 2001-02-13
Posts 2 |
True, love stinks, But love is what links. I don't know what to do. I'm lost with out you. But my true love, we haven't yet met, I know I will love you, but the path must be set. I have been abandoned so many times before, in so many ways, But you will be there to brighten my days. When I finally meet thee, I'll protect thine life with mine own life. Through sheer force of will I will get thee through any strife, So hand me my blade, my belt and my cloak, colored creme, And I will go on my adventure and perhaps end this longing dream. Only thee could love my modest solemn mood the most, But for now I am traveling alone against lonliness and despair, from coast to coast... |
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| © Copyright 2001 ssj2HolyKnight - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
awesome first post. great power behind it. welcome to passions!i hope to see much more. Regina for those who say I'm their friend, u know me not well for if u did u would not stay around anymore to watch me fall away. |
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Tears of Glass Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 182Physically? VA.... Mentally? I'm not quite sure |
Welcome to Passions! Awesome first post. Keep em coming! "My nightmare isn't fearing what I dream... It's waking up, knowing what I'll see." |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
 Welcome to Passions I hope you like it here in the forum and stay a while. Good job on your first post here  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Welcome to passions, I know you don't want to be critiqued but one quick thing......you started an elizabethan style at the middle and ended with it.......i think you should have the whole poem with that one style. I see some words that could be changed in that kind of form that you didn't use until the middle. Nicely done though. Post more!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
WELCOME TO PASSIONS We're glad to see you've decided to join our family of friends here in Passions for Poetry. I hope you enjoy your stay. Again, let me extend our warmest welcome to you. have fun sharing and reading ps. pls check your email So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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ssj2HolyKnight New Member
since 2001-02-13
Posts 2 |
Thanks for your support. I just really do not like Valentine's Day this year and am a bit resentful towards it. I was actually asked to put something like this on a Valentine contest, I was reluctant, but the idea just hit me, couldn't believe I actually went and submitted it at school and entered the contest! I have a question, I don't mind the critique, I just haven't changed my settings yet on my profile ^_^ Can someone explain the elizabethan style that I slipped into? I know I could improve it, and I don't do much writing for enjoyment. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Very nice job! I like how you drew the parallel between a knight in a war and a man searching for love. What a nice thing to read on Valentine's day. Great job, and welcome to Passions. -Allan When the sun dies, and the earth is thrown off its axis, the two of us will still, at that moment, be thinking of one another. ~~Allan, to Amanda |
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