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You were my Miracle
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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You were my Miracle |
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Angel Bee Member
since 2001-01-30
Posts 176Virginia |
Miracle you were my miracle sent from above our love floated peacfully like a white dove you were my miracle sent down to me so our love could be known, for all to see you were my miracle, yet i didn't realize you shaped everything up, and fit everything to size you were my miracle then and now i've made it through with you somehow you were my miracle give especially to me thanks for everything, you've made me see you really were a miracle in great ways you were sent to help fill all my days so thanks once again for everything you gave me all you could possibly bring so now that i've moved on i would like to say thanks and for now, so-long |
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| © Copyright 2001 Angel Bee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I know you don't want critism but maybe stopping the rhyme might help this? Brad |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Naaaaa I disagree with brad.......I don't think the ryhme stops the poem from being great....it's written well, would be better, but I don't think it's the ryhme.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
I think they're both right in a sense rhymes gives a poem personality but at the same time, you don't really have to make the poem rhyme cause sometimes searching for the right word that rhymes hinders the poem itself i don't think i'm making any sense  personally, i like the poem  keep sharing So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S. |
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