couldn't think of anything

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katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

0 posted 2001-02-05 09:49 PM

I thought i wanted you to call but when you did i didn't want to talk to you.
I feel bad enough with out having to you.

You say you miss me and i don't want you to.
You say you want me back but i don't want you.

I know we said we'd be friends but i really dont want to. I know i sound selfish but i don't want you in my life.

You ask to many questions about what went wrong. Well here's the answer i couldn't, wouldn't give you yesterday. I have no feelings for you. I thought i liked you but really i didn't.

To me you are just somene wo has passed through my life.
Now i want you to leave.

I'm sorry.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-02-05 10:10 PM

Ehh...
If you can't think of something, it's best to go with a format. They tend to make you have to think a bit, and if you fit the poem into a format, it already accomplishes something.
Personally, I would have senryued this. (noting that the line "i apoligize" is 5 syll)
It's not a bad poem or anything, but it could mean more if it had a format to it.
Just trying to help, I hope I'm not discouraging you.
Best of luck.
-Allan

We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-02-05 10:47 PM

Talk about cruel.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

3 posted 2001-02-06 01:32 AM

ok i know this poems really bad and my spellings shocking.

Dopey are you saying I'm cruel? i'm not cruel.........mostly.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2001-02-06 03:30 PM

k

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

5 posted 2001-02-06 03:59 PM

nice poem..keep writing

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-02-07 01:24 PM

What has this person done so bad that you can't even be friends?

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

7 posted 2001-02-07 03:10 PM

Well, this was an interesting poem because I'm mostly used to reading happy ones lately. I think it really gets what you're trying to say across to the reader. Good job on it.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

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