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Teen Poetry #4
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Abusive Validity
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Abusive Validity |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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Black font for a dark poem. Be liked Dopey, be NEGATIVE. Enjoy. ‘Abusive Validity’ Chemical atmospheres, Decaying bodies, Swollen tears, And guts galore, Blackened holes, Bloody heads, Withered souls, And dismembered parts, This is war; all at it’s best It doesn’t satisfy; me the least Countries die; like much the rest Rulers transfix; at this bloody feast Rebellious guns, Murderous shooting, Rotten fun, And demising battles, Putrid smells, Red seas, Blasting hells, And dripping brains, Don’t you see; all it’s darkness It doesn’t help; to keep killing War shows devilry; and it’s liveliness And yet you sit; arrogant and unwilling Jeremy Raulinaitis  "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 02-04-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Yeah! That's what I kept saying out loud during this poem. Yeah! Now my parents are awake, and upset, because it is late and I'm cheering at this hour. Ah well, who cares? They can afford to lose some sleep over such a poem. Yeah! Down with war! -Allan We used to hate people, now we just make fun of them. It's more effective that way. --KMFDM |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Geez mageez!! Wonderful Jeremy! Your words are so damn vivid. This is poetry at its best. Bravo. Another library piece.  ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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HiddenSparklez Member
since 2000-12-29
Posts 190British Columbia, Canada |
Great imagery...  Can't say much but I do agree with you that war is unnecessary."You do what you do, you say what you say, you try to be everything to everyone... come on now, do that stupid dance for me" -Everclear |
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Tamma
since 2000-01-17
Posts 794In His Arms, Harpers Ferry, WV |
Ok...I liked this...but the imagery kind of made me sick to my stoumach...I could visualise this one...which was not good, cause lately anything can turn my stoumach... It was a wonderful poem...just not the best thing to read @ 10 am, when you didn't get much sleep the night before  www.angelfire.com/wv2/poetrycorner I'm just a girl looking at a guy asking him to love me |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Jeremy, Im not going to tear it to peices nt even close. I believe that was amzing. I could picture everything in my head very disturbing. Regina into my libary when i wish for you, i wish that could we lie side by side hearts entwined. |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Wow, nice one here. Alot people have alot to say about war but you really summed alot up right there. And as for Tamma's stomach turning, sorry for you Tamma, but sometimes it takes a little bit of that to get other people to realize war isn't worth it. Kinda made me sick to my stomach though too...or maybe it's the 17 cups of coffee..anyways that was a seriously great poem man. Keep it up. >¶Øʆ< |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very nicely done here Jer! The style was very creative and imagery was simply outstanding. I liked this very much jer....keep it up!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow. My goodness boy. Cool! I got confused how to read it for a sec, had a blonde moment, but now it's all good. I thought this was kinda gross, yet I realized that was partially the point to gross us all out about war. Great job!!  xoxo Jenn  "I'm a big, big, girl, in a big, big world, it's not a big, big thing if you leave me, but I do feel, that I will miss you much..." Emilia [This message has been edited by Jenn Cirrincione (edited 02-05-2001).] |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
again, i can't criticize it's perfect great imagery I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
I think it's excellent jeremy. I like the style and the way it's written. I read it several times to get different effects, nice job  "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
Thanks to everyone who replied. Sorry Tamma! G-bye...Jeremy "zzzIzzzAMzzzJEREMYDRAULzzz" |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Blahh I feel sooo blaahhhh! Great poem buddy. Made me feel more blah, but that's aiight. I'll deal withit. ~Carly "Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are crazy." (Nora Ephron) |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Well I'm getting sick of writing a certian word (starts with a 'W' and ends w/ a 'W' and in the middle is a 'O') every time I read one of your poems, so how about 'Gee-Wiz', this was great. The imagery as the others said was awsome... The message was a good one... the flow and the way it read was terrific... the style unique and added another level to this already amzing poem. Keep it up. ah ight?  ~Jason To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
sure, ill try and keep it up, thanks everyone - gbye "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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