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Teen Poetry #4
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Warm
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Warm |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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Born out of nowhere the infant's flesh is love and spite his ration blood, his haven night he knows this, for he has been told but still he shudders, baby's cold Crawl through this nightmare the infant knows not how to walk he cannot see, he need not talk his tiny knees scrape through the land he chews the gravel with each hand Look with sightless eyes the infant feels a soothing heat and pulls himself onto his feet his feeble fingers scratch the air soon touching mother's skin and hair Rest in its cradle the mother he had never known her body warm, but made of stone the infant's lips lift to her chest but there's no nipple at her breast Die turn to ashes infant withered, tall, and old suffering, from all but cold baby won't wake up tomorrow warmth cannot defeat his sorrow |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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MidnightMaverick Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 35Duluth, MN, USA |
I like this poem. It's really good. I can't tell ya what emotions or thoughts that ran through my mind but some thing different than what the title imposes... is that suppose to happen? Good work! -Maverick |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
This is such a wonderful piece. It symbolizes the journey of life, the constant struggle for our dreams, for love (the warmth)... and, although the person finds an illusion of what they are looking for, they still die without it. (I might be off, but that's how I precieved it). Your writing style is wonderful. Thanks for sharing.  "Where there is great love there are always miracles" -Cather "Love heals everything, and love is all there is"- Zukav |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
question: is are the first lines of each stanza its title? if it is then it has the same method of division as my infamous "Saga of the Archdutchy of Happiness"  haha. great poem. San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
Its amazing Allan. "Die turn to ashes infant withered, tall, and old suffering, from all but cold baby won't wake up tomorrow warmth cannot defeat his sorrow" my fav verse, eggman...lol Regina when i wish for you, i wish that could we lie side by side hearts entwined. |
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sweetstuff101 Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 375OK, USA |
Great poem! I love it!! Very discrptive, and written well!! Awesome job!! Keep it up!! Luv Always, ~*~Sweetstuff~*~ How come it is so easy for a person to say "I hate you," but it is so difficult for someone to say "I love you" and really mean it???? |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
i ahev to say i really love your style!!!..this is an absolutely amazing piece.. great work! "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
it's awesome!! ~katherine~ |
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Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Well, this poem really hurt my to read and I truthfully hope this is not how your feel about your family. Although I must say; Wonderful job on this poem of life, Allan! What comes with love are tears of pain. What comes with hate are brighter days~ Amanda |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Oh wow. You out did your self. Ditto to exactly what lovebug said. Man I can't even begin to elaborate because there are so many levels to this poem. Really realy great job. seriously! ~Jason To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought for what it meant, it was a great poem. I, however, didn't really like the way it was written. I started out with the first stanza and thought it was going to be a bit more elaborate within the CYCLE this child is going through. I thought it skipped a bit of some steps needed within this kind of CYCLE poem.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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the day i tried to live Junior Member
since 2001-02-03
Posts 27the seventh circle |
i like this... the format is unique and rather interesting to read... the word choice seems well thought-out and appropriate... one of the best poems i've read in the teen forum thus far... bravo |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
I thought what San said could be true and that would be creative if that's what you did. The whole escalation of this poem was good because it created a sense of suspense for the ending, which was kind of weird. But I liked it a lot and keep writing bro. -Jeremy "I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. -William Faulkner (Noble Prize Speech.) |
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