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Teen Poetry #4
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My Sister Ganamede
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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My Sister Ganamede |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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A sore is dry beneath its wound where canine cuts the bone to bleed Such tissue was a skin upon my baby sister Ganamede Her digits, both a servant's tool and then a tool to take it's pay Her eyes, the seers of golden coins that gave her in a gentle way A lady, and her father's boon but just his valor's driving steed A thief, when every eye was turned was lovely lady Ganamede show me silver, shining coins to dress her wooden dolls give me golden, glitt'ring coins to paper up her walls spinning, shrieking, flipping coins and calling in the air for the daggers in her hands and the flowers in her hair To see the path, the empty bay as would we every sunday noon To keep the thought within our hearts of mom and father coming soon "Brother! Brother! Overtone!" she called me both by blood and name She wanted we to climb the house and play the father watching game But would the heatwave break its still and pay our patience for its deed? Still, my attention was not there 'twas on my sister Ganamede show me sapphire, glowing stones to give her dolly sight give me bruises, broken bones to show her how to fight singing, shining, stepping stones ascend into the air for the daggers in her hands and the flowers in her hair 'twas Ganamede who brought the news with bitter teardrops in her eyes Her trek to greet the caravan was smitten with a grim surprise "Mother, Father... Overtone" I held her in my arms and cried as did we both, for all our dreams were buried when our parents died And shocked was I to see that night within her pockets, truth was told The pouches in her trouser sides were filled to brim with Father's gold She stepped the stairs onto the roof when pivoted, I said "proceed." I loved her still, but she was not my baby sister Ganamede show me honour, show me truth I wish to see her face take my valor, take my youth my honour and my grace slipping, sliding, money tooth that nibbles down despair for the daggers in her hands and the flowers in her hair |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
amazinly well written allan...awesome flow and the poem...was beautiful throughtout...and was well told...with emotions...i really liked it...thanks for sharing it and hope to see more soon...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
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holatuwol Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72California, USA |
Wow, Allan... you know, the first time reading through, I had no idea that this was structured in any way and I just thought it was really simple rhymed verse, and I was just about to note that. I mean, the poem seemed to flow a little too well for structured verse, but then again... most of your work does, anyway. ^^ And I continued to believe there was no structure until I started to count the syllables in each of the lines, and there was definitely a pattern of some sort. ^^ All non-italics looked like a tetrameter of some sort, while italics alternated 7-6 syllables, which is some poetic form which I don't know. Surprise? hehe ^^; Not for me... I don't know many poetic styles. ^^ Funny things happen when you sorta-kinda understand what the poems are being written about... I thought this was really nice. hehe! ^^ And I have to admit that the story that you told was as touching in verse as it was in conversationalist style... I definitely enjoyed it... very odd when you almost know what's being said. A surreal image that you created was made concrete, real, and put together in verse that can potentially hypnotise... it's what makes this all the more beautiful. ^_^v You definitely have major talent, Allan, and it's definitely something that many of us aspire to... perhaps one day, we shall succeed in matching it, though perhaps that day is a long ways away. In any case, until then... - holatuwol |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Very well done Allan! I enjoyed this poem, and you even got a reply from the guy who replies with long replies haha.... Anyway, you wrote this well. I often become amazed with how well you can write about something completely abstract....I mean this does have some sort of deep meaning, I presume....and the way you bring it out is wonderful. I enjoyed this one, and I await until your next post.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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knightlyshadows Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 791obscured vision |
awww i love this. u did a wonderful job on it allan. the descripions u used r terrific and the way u tied in the real stuff with it ..its just amazing. this is so sweet. i love the italics pieces of how it describes her. and then yet again tyin the doll and the daggers and her as a thief in. well this is just amazing. library it shall go thanx allan. *hugs* love you bro. tiff  “A single choice can build destinies,or destroy them.” Just leave me alone and give me some space. [This message has been edited by knightlyshadows (edited 05-24-2001).] |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Wow, you write about this so well. It reminds me of something out of some old movie, like "the princess bride" or something. This was definitly interesting, and is something I could never pull off. Kudos to you. Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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DarkSilver Junior Member
since 2001-05-21
Posts 33Six O'clock High! |
Woah! that had style, movement, emotion, and pure beauty. I think I'm going to take down my poems now and learn some more before I post again. It doesn't matter who you are only who you serve. - Draken O'Larn, the Starwarrior Saga |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
WHOA! AWESOME! Hahaha this rocked. Awesome job love. Awesome. ~Carly "Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught..." |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
you always seem to post amazing stuff Allan i wonder what your secret could possibly be. excellent read by the way. just whoa  fozzieozzie "The heart can think of no devotion |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
this is amazing Allan! you've done a great job yet agian. i always love readng something you've written. keep it up. katie if you don't let them in they can't see the real you |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
It's hard to write responses sometimes, just because you don't know what to say. This one is way too...incredibly well written. You've done some great work with this one! "Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle" Plato. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Ummm... WOW! Beautiful and deep piece here, Allan. I love the style and the story as well. Does this have something to do with your role playing game? Anyway, wonderful piece. Keep posting as much as you can, ok?  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
WOW!!! *stands up applauding* This rocks I mean, this REALLY rocks. The imagery is brilliant and the italics were wow quality of over 10.  You rule so you're going in the library. ~AF~ "I'm not a slave to a God that doesn't exist." |
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vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
Wow Allan, this was excellent!!! I liked it so much! ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
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obscurity of cloud Member
since 2001-05-11
Posts 294....:::::******:::::.... |
Mr. Riverwood, this is incredible! I love the repetition of "overtone" and your overall flow. Wonderful job. "so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Absoloutely amazing Allan, another great piece of work, incredibly beautiful and you kept me interested all the way through... A piece for the library. Zu |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
What can I say I really like this piece... Zu [This message has been edited by Marshalzu (edited 05-28-2001).] |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
*masterpiece theatre music starts playing* AHH!! I LOVE IT! Great lines! GREAT WORK! MASTERPIECE!!! AHHHH!!! Rock on! *summons the library checky thing*-Chasing rain (supposedly) |
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little_krazy_poet Junior Member
since 2001-05-28
Posts 41 |
WOW, i could say. WELL WRITTEN, you've herd. but i think that your ego is large enough so what i have to say is.... it was good, one qustion do you read poetry and then write it or not well please e-mail with the answer and it was a graet poem |
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JBaker515
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458Dartmouth College |
Allan.. wow!! you have heard from everyone that this is amazing..because it is!! unbelievable.. awesome. keep it up. Jeff $ Jeff $ : ) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
the flow of this is very unique, and that is really what got me paying very close attention to every line. i love the story that you presented in this piece, you did a really awesome job on this poem. keep sharing your beautiful poetry with us. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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AngelPoet87 Member
since 2001-04-21
Posts 280Indy |
*kneels down in worship and awe of Allan on his thrown of high power* |
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Meggie1986 Junior Member
since 2001-05-22
Posts 41California |
Wow... that was really beautiful. It all flowed so well. ::Gazes in awe:: Absolutely fantastic- I'm at a loss for words! |
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Evylyn Junior Member
since 2001-06-04
Posts 20Florida, USA |
What a magnificant piece! Upon reading it, I was very pleased with the accurate descriptions and sing-song way of how you rhymed it. Somehow, it reminds me of the old ballads written about the Middle Ages. ("Beowolf" comes to mind...) Anyway, keep up the fantastic poetry! I look forward to reading more! "The only thing that boggles the mind is the mind itself." |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
one word, amazing. i just so happened to be listening to 'the highwayman' by loreena mckennit while reading this, and the two together made a perfect pair. VERY similar styles. - jen |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is so breathtaking, Allan. With each post I read from you, I become more and more impressed with the talent you have to write absolutely beautiful poetry. I'm truly jealous of what I read here. This poem was amazing. You rock, Allan. I don't tell you that enough. Awesome work. --Marie "You're the girl of my nightmares, erotic and skull-faced. |
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