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Teen Poetry #4
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Rain: The audience
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Rain: The audience |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
I watched you there I watch you cry your eyes out Now tell me what you've done. I feel so helpless The way you dry your eyes out The way your tears roll down. You could flood the whole world With your colored rain drops. You could flood the whole world And I couldn't do anything... I am the crowd. I watched you there I watched you in your shadows Although you didn't even know. You told it all to me The way you splashed everything At the beginning of the show. You could drown the whole world With your colored rain drops. You could drown the whole world And I couldn't do anything... I am the crowd. I watched you there I watched you in the rain I thought I saw you smile. Was it so easy To talk and be pleased To know it was all worthwhile? I clapped when you came I whistled when you bowed Is that even enough To be part of the crowd? I watched you in silence As a single rose fell Onto the stage As you waved farewell... Will I ever watch you again Will I ever meet you face to face Will I ever hold you in pain And say... Let it rain. |
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| © Copyright 2001 chasing rain - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, this was really powerful. The emotion within this poem is amazing. Well done! Very well done.....and the last few lines..wowish. I liked this one by you.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
hey!...the imagery was great...u put it so well through your emotions in this...i enjoyed this quite a bit awesome poem...thanks for the read...  ...?if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-23-2001).] |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Now this is a cool piece. A very good display of pure, heartfelt emotions. I was completely glued to the screen the entire way through. Wonderful.  ~AF~ Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I echo the others...what a great, emotional piece!! Keep writing them! Jenn "If it's wrong to love you, then my heart just won't let me be right, cause I'm drowned in you, and I won't pull through without you by my side." Mari |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Thanks very much for your comments.  I'm actually trying to make this a song, so if there's any change you would make to it so that it would flow a tad better, please let me know. Thanks. "If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that i was made for another world..." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I think this would work really really well as a song!  I read this through once or twice, I really liked the flow to it. The title is great, but as a song it seems like the title should just be "the audience" or "rain." JMHO Great work.~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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xShUgArHiGhx
since 2000-09-26
Posts 3150tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs |
Dont u just hate feeling powerless?? I think its a horrible feeling...sad poem but it was excellent. |
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