Teen Poetry #4 |
Which Will You Choose? |
~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
I think we can all relate to this. It's what we want to say to those who have broken our hearts *L* Would you like to play with my heart? And pull it around with strings? Would you like to see all the hurt And pain it will bring? Would you like to toy with my feelings? And pretend they aren't for real? Or do you wanna rip my heart in two? And make it hard to heal? Those are your choices, Which one will make you feel tall? It's up to you to choose Oh wait, you've already done them all. "Don't offer yourself to the world, let the world offer itself to you" [This message has been edited by ~sugarpie313~ (edited 05-18-2001).] |
||
© Copyright 2001 Valerie - All Rights Reserved | |||
Suga_Baby Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 380Maine, USA |
Val, as you know, I know how you feel! I love this, great work hun!! ya, Sara "A dream is a wish your heart makes while you are fast asleep." |
||
LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
Geez, I can really relate to this. Really creative and truthful piece here, Valerie. I really enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing. "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
||
HeAvEnS AnGeL Member
since 2001-05-17
Posts 168The Hot Girl From Canada |
beautiful poem! I loved it! i can totally relate guys will almost always play with your emotions but they are young and immature so they will grow out of it |
||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed this very much. You did so well on this one! I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
written very well on this sitaution...i enjoyed this read...hope to see more val... ...? if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry" |
||
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
HAHA this was funny. I'm sure everyone can relate tothis in one way or the other....This is so harsh, so angry...I love it! LOL Jenn |
||
~*brittt*~ Member
since 2001-05-09
Posts 76East Haddam, CT |
Wow,I can really relate to this.. I mean REALLY. Every word. Very well done. ~britt~ |
||
baby0508 Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 58Moodus, Connecticut |
That was a really strong,well written poem. I really enjoyed it. Good for you..let whoever it is about hear what you have to say.keep up the good work!!!! |
||
vixengrl04 Member
since 2001-04-26
Posts 495East Haddam, CT |
This kinda reminded me of one of the pieces that I posted on here called "My Heart" but mine was a bit more...graphic..Hehe you did good on this, I liked it. ~*Nikki*~ ~*Of all the millions of people in the world, I'm just me.*~ |
||
joycerogers Member
since 2001-05-16
Posts 83Texas |
Yo Suga Baby, You be so true. This poem reveal the game to the max. Good piece. Observe the animals and they shall teach you the nature of life in man. Oberve the earth and it shall reveal the nature of life in God. |
||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Sarcasm is a great tool in poetry, it's important to assure that it fits in well with the rest of the poem though. I think you jumped a bit quickly into a sarcastic ending without having much of a similar tone throughout the poem. This kinda made it read incorrectly to me. I think it's important to learn how to better use sarcastic tones in poetry. ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
||
~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
Thanks for the replies, and to Allan... thanks for your criticism but i've learned to ignore your replies for the most part. You always try to help, and i think that's great, but sometimes you go overboard and over criticize. Maybe i didn't use the sarcasm through out for a reason. You don't know that. So before you make remarks about poems, remember that poetry is all about expressing feelings, not using correct format, or syllables, or rhyming schemes. We are not trying to market our poems when we post them on here, we are just posting them for others to read and hopefully pass on some messages that they aren't the only ones out there going through things. I don't want to turn this into an Allan-bashing sort of thing but i am not the only one that feels this way. Well thank you for your time, i hope you understand all of this. Feel free to e mail me. Valerie Why do you do what u do to me baby...you know if I could I'd do anything for you, please don't ignore me cause you know I adore you |
||
⇧ top of page ⇧ | ||
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. |