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Teen Poetry #4
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Poet on Acid
Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325
Florida, USA

0 posted 2001-01-23 03:59 PM


Lies amounting to confession
This will be his final session
Confusing all his lies
But the truth can be seen in his eyes
He can't even realize his own emotions
With the lies founding all his devotions
Having faith in the human race
Means nothing looking into his face
The lies backing his existence
Are rising up in resistance


I really seem to be slipping up on my work lately,
it's turning out worse than I thought it would in the first place, which is bad because I am the coldest cruelest critic of my work there is...

Any feedback would be welcom.< !signature-->

        >¶Øʆ<


[This message has been edited by Poet on Acid (edited 01-23-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Tony Ryan Johnson - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-01-23 05:35 PM


Nice one here but you're right. Not as good as the poems i've read from you in the past. Don't worry........it was still very good.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Greeneyes617
Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329
Arkansas
2 posted 2001-01-23 05:39 PM


Its really not that bad.......things that make you go "hummmmmm..."  
ThyWizard
Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 56
Chambersburg, PA, USA
3 posted 2001-01-23 09:26 PM


I can't compare to previous quality as i haven't read any of your other work, but all in all i don't think this was bad.  It had a rather unique undertone to it and as short as it was had a nice amount of depth to it, i look forward to reading more from you

" How can i feel if i can't breathe..."
- Godsmack

anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US
4 posted 2001-01-24 12:31 PM


..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much..

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"


anomaly187
Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284
San Francisco,CA,US
5 posted 2001-01-24 12:31 PM


..well i though this was great..you put good use to the words you chose..the only thing i might say is that you should try not to rymthe(spelling) so much..

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"


litle_krazy_poet
Member
since 2001-01-17
Posts 71

6 posted 2001-01-24 12:40 PM


well i like the poem but if you don't then maby you need some new sorces of inspartion.
but i liked the poem

~Matt~

somethings need poems and then there are thoes that are just for fun

Acies
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665
Twilight Zone
7 posted 2001-01-25 03:53 PM


I personally don't thik that you have slipped even a tad bit

e.g. "Confusing all his lies
But the truth can be seen in his eyes"

This two stanzas may have been penned in simple form, but it has so much meaning in it
Great post


I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR



Jenn Cirrincione
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107
Fl
8 posted 2001-01-25 06:07 PM


Don't be so hard on yourself. This was really good. If you believe you're slipping, it's probably just because of self-critisicm (sp?) Keep up the good work.

xoxo
Jenn


"A person can never get over a broken heart if they aren't willing to let go of all of the pieces."-- ??


lauren03
Member
since 2002-01-04
Posts 64
oh, usa
9 posted 2002-01-29 12:09 PM


your poem wasn't bad at all i liked it atleast, maybe because i can relate, but it was good
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