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Alliteration Pursues 1 (New Style)
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Alliteration Pursues 1 (New Style) |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair 
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A new style that I've never tried... Alliteration can make poems sound amplifying. Enjoy. "Alliteration Pursues 1" Dozing, dreaming, Doubting the decency in our dome. Listening, lingering, Looking for lustrous linen contact. Yelling, yawning, Yielding the year away with yen. Everywhere, enduring, Evils role enriching as he enacts. Ranting, raving, Realizing right person doesn’t roam. Belated, blinding, Breathing near by, you have been. J.D. Raulinaitis 1/23/01 < !signature--> "Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Jeremy Daniel Raulinaitis - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one here jer. Very creative style there. I like it......but too hard for me. Too limiting and I despise limits. Great job on working with this one though. Must've taken you a while, and if it didn't you lie!!!!!!!!!!! hehe.....nice one pal.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
very well done. complex and enwrapping. i dont know if its because i was listening to the Aimee Mann version of One while i was reading this or something but it was just very envolving into itself. great. San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
Okay, looks like I need some explanations here... considering this poem is very abstract (TheLostSupertone said so...bottom line) Title: "Alliteration Pursues 1" -the title means that I am using alliteration to try and figure out how to find the one. "1" represents that person I need to find in order to fulfill my happiness. "Dozing, dreaming, Doubting the decency in our dome." -I think about how humanity is not decent in our 'dome'(world) "Listening, lingering, Looking for lustrous linen contact." -I listen and await for that contact (a person that shines) "Yelling, yawning, Yielding the year away with yen." -I scream for the one, yawning in tiresome hours searching, and I slow the years by desiring(yen) this person. "Everywhere, enduring, Evils role enriching as he enacts." -These feelings are dealt with everywhere I go, and evil always ruins it. "Ranting, raving, Realizing right person doesn’t roam." -I am frustrated that this person doesnt seem to exist. "Belated, blinding, Breathing near by, you have been." -It's too late, I was blind, she was there all along... stupid me!! Hope you get it.... < !signature--> "Is it love in my gut, or piss in my bladder?" -Allan Riverwood [This message has been edited by jeremydraul (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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DreadedLiver Member
since 2001-01-23
Posts 56Alter, Ego |
Good thing there was an explanation because your writing is so very deep. Indeed the alliteration really amplified this poem, making it sound really special to you. It is so tough to find that special someone, and I believe that you are doing the right thing in pursuing it... and I liked that twist in the end about how it was already there... Im glad this was my first read. Hope to read more. -Knightfellow "If you had a choice to believe in yourself, or another person, who would it be?" |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Sorry.  [This message has been edited by IsGona (edited 01-23-2001).] |
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IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Wow... That says it all. WOW great work jermey. One of your best and one of the bests I've read from this forum in a while. Really great. I actually got the meaning of your title before I read it (it reminded me of the Limp bizkit song 'the one' for some reason) so I was able to follow this pretty good. However I read right over the word belated and thought that you made this realiztion in time, but then of course I read your explination. But this was really good. At least I think so. And I think the others will to ~Jason "Every body has their destiny... I'LL CHOOSE MY OWN ~Hatebreed~ |
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anomaly187 Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 284San Francisco,CA,US |
great poem!..usually alliteration gets on my nerves but surprisingly this one didn't..and good subject matter also.. "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro" |
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