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Master
Senior Member

since 1999-08-18

Posts 1867
Boston, MA

0 posted 2001-05-06 01:32 AM

The hand releases
the lighter
and crumbles the check,
then squeezes
your neck
tighter.
Before my eyes,
I hold
you. You’re
still ice
cold
and precious.
As more
pressure‘s
applied,
you bulge.
I watch
while the light
hits you,--
it completes you.
Still holding you up,
I proceed
to twist off your top
with greed
and feel a tremor.
For a loner,
nothing can beat
a Corona
with lemon!

[This message has been edited by Master (edited 05-06-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-05-06 03:20 AM

Corona....lots of that here in PR....well done on this one...hehe.....i don't drink, but liked the poem.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

2 posted 2001-05-06 05:15 AM

I prefer Vodka.

Great poem. Loved it.

~First they tell you, you can’t sleep alone in a strange place, then they tell you, you can’t sleep with somebody else~

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-05-06 12:56 PM

I liked this. I especially like the length of the lines... it was really nice and helped the flow.
Good work!

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-05-06 12:56 PM

great job...i enjoyed the read..keep writing..

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

5 posted 2001-05-06 05:08 PM

Aren't we all a little young for this?

Well good job, Master. I think the title gives away the surprise ending though.
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2001-05-07 11:12 PM

Mmmmm alcohol...ahem..back to this now.

Nice piece, Master. You have suddenly made me want to go out and buy a slab of beer.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

7 posted 2001-05-10 09:46 AM

Always a good read Master. thanks
hey, you're all too young to be drinking
i'll go tell your mommies

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

8 posted 2001-05-10 11:16 AM

Too young? hahahaha...Acire, you crack me up.

~AF~

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.
~ Unknown ~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

9 posted 2001-05-10 12:38 PM

yes....TOO YOUNG!!! ( besides...it's better with a lime

)

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