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Marshalzu
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0 posted 2001-05-04 08:42 AM


Ok Hello This is my first attept at a Paradelle so I was wondering what you guys thought and If everyhting was correct and all?

---Shadows of Love

Dreaming of your glory
Dreaming of your glory
Heaven in your eyes
Heaven in your eyes
Dreaming of your eyes
Glory in your heaven

Passing days and nights
Passing days and nights
In shadow of your love
In shadow of your love
And passing days of love
Of nights in your shadow

Hurting from this deep pain
Hurting from this deep pain
Something I can't condemn
Something I can't condemn
From this something hurting deep
This pain I can't condemn

Passing shadow of pain
Hurting from your love
Something in your eyes
Days and nights of dreaming
I can't condemn your glory
Deep In this Heaven

--- Check out the poetry workshop!!! it certainly helped me.
<<<_Zu_>>>


" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

[This message has been edited by Marshalzu (edited 05-04-2001).]

© Copyright 2001 Andrew Sewell - All Rights Reserved
Allan Riverwood
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1 posted 2001-05-04 09:03 AM


Sweet!  I always love reading paradelles.  
I didn't see a flaw in this one, it's all technically written very well.  I think every stanza is creatively organized (which makes for a good paradelle), and I am very impressed!
Isn't this a fun format?  
I really do hope to see more from you sometime in the future, Zu!  Or from anyone, I love paradelles!  
~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day.  Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.  
~Unknown

banburycross
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since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
2 posted 2001-05-04 09:05 AM


This is really incredible, i'm glad to see you expanding on your talent and trying different formats (espcially ones as difficult as this one).  you did a wonderful job on this piece, i hope to get more to put in my library  

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

Fading Away
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3 posted 2001-05-04 10:32 AM


Wow.. great job, zu!  It's great to see more paradelles.. they're fun to read!  Very nice job, these are beautiful thoughts.  
Well done.

--Marie

Don't ever be someone's slogan, because you are poetry.

Marshalzu
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4 posted 2001-05-04 10:57 AM


Thanks guys, I wasn't quite sure about Paradelles but it wasn't as hard as I first expected... Maybe I'll try a villanelle but I will be posting more Paradelles in the future because I think I like them...  
Zu


" The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots" -Thomas jefferson

E-mail/Msn: Targetmrzu@hotmail.com

[This message has been edited by Marshalzu (edited 05-04-2001).]

anonymous albert ?
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5 posted 2001-05-04 01:21 PM


wow...great job man...
i really enjoyed the write..
first amtempt was a success..
keep writing...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

Dopey Dope
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San Juan, Puerto Rico
6 posted 2001-05-05 12:35 PM


Well done Zu!!! Wow this was a good one. You came out with a punch on this. I wouldn't have expected this from you hehe......WELL DONE!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Marshalzu
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7 posted 2001-05-05 05:51 PM


Thanx Dopey and Albert
cherish
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since 2001-03-25
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swimming in fairy floss...........
8 posted 2001-05-08 03:47 AM


hey there andrew..
wow..you're going to get biased opinion on this one for sure...*winks*..i thought that this was great...heheh..im not being biased here for one second!! i think the line that hit me the hardest was "this pain i cant condemn"..WOW...i'll let you in on a little phrase i made up to get me through tough times:
'pain lasts a little while'

and it's true..for both statements..you cant condemn it...and its not going to be there for long.
deep and meaningful stuff Zu...

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

fractal007
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958

9 posted 2001-05-08 04:19 AM


I too like the paradelles.  This one worked quite well.

"If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh"

-- Magus

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