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Teen Poetry #4
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anonymous albert ?
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979


0 posted 2001-04-30 11:04 PM


hellooo ya..
this is a poem kinda different.. from what i usually write..i tired a different way... of writing my thoughts and emotions but hope you guys get it.. i wrote this like in 30mins about 30mins ago..while couple of insprirations came from nowhere i never really dreamed this so...anyways enjoy...


hope you guys liked it..and it'll be great on a in depth reply..cuz i really want to know..what you guys thought of it in a deeper way on how it effected u so on..in how and why which part..etc..that'll be great..thanks.byeee

© Copyright 2001 ALBY - All Rights Reserved
Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
1 posted 2001-04-30 11:30 PM


Ok well lemme see here.....

you're in the sky and you're all happy to be there. It's like your heaven, and your friend is there, which happens to be your freedom to love.  You feel complete bliss in the sky of blue water and so on, but then you feel a bit empty because you can only experience this in your dreams. Thus, this states that it's not yet a reality.
Your love, your happiness isn't quite real as of yet and this pains you.

Am i right, or am i right?
haha

OK now about what I felt about the poem   hehe
I enjoyed it. For some reason I felt like this was written in a better style than a lot of your  previous works. The scheme was great and the formatting too....but the flow in a few parts broke off due to some lines being longer than others and so on. Anyhow, I really felt you did quite well on this poem and I was very impressed.



I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

[This message has been edited by Dopey_Dope (edited 04-30-2001).]

Low Man's Lyric
Member
since 2001-04-03
Posts 236
In a dream
2 posted 2001-04-30 11:43 PM


I really liked this poem, it was great. For a in deepth view...umm lets see. Well it seems like you're dreaming and in this dream you are free with the one you love like maybe you and this person are flying over the clouds holding hands together as you look down at the blue water and viewing the land around it, just like paintings. You miss the dreams that come to you because they are your thoughts and feelings and you want to be back in the dream, viewing the blue waters. Sadly though that those are just dreams and it only shows your imagination but you would like it if it were real.

Hopefully you can make sense of what i have just said.  

Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."  
~Anonymous

banburycross
Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946
viginia
3 posted 2001-04-30 11:46 PM



I really liked the images in this one, i thought you did a really awsome job.  i especially liked he third stanza the wording of that was great.  anyway, wonderful job on this, keep posting all your work.

Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

4 posted 2001-04-30 11:46 PM


hey guys...i really thanks all you guys for replyin on my request..but i think some would get preesured by me asking for an in depth reply so i'm goin to move this post...i'm really sorry and i do appreciate all ur replys and i'll try to reply to all you guys poems also.thanks...hope you guys understand...

...?

if i die before i wake , i pray the lord my soul will take-"when thugs cry"

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 05-01-2001).]

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