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Teen Poetry #4
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men
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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men |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... 
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Your tear at my flesh, Like wet wool through a thorn bush. Weave lies into a thick mesh, Lies that soon become unadulterated truths. You rake jagged nails across my soul, Speak words which systematically slash my heart. You laugh and gawk and roll, Make fun of my vulnerability, my nakedness within your eyes. You rip my mind with craftsman-like agility, Justify your actions through sex, religion and race. To you im nothing but a liability, A possesion to be used-abused. stupid i know  "Life is not long and boring, it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto- [This message has been edited by cherish (edited 04-24-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 cherish - All Rights Reserved | |||
anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
nooo of course not it wasn't stupid.. instead u had some good thoughts in here which i agree to some point(and i'm not agreein to the point taht this was written 4 men) but on a person to person statis  ..great job here tho and until ur next keep writing bye....  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-22-2001).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Stupid? Never.... I think this is pretty deep. I enjoyed this one cherish, very much. You did well. I'm happy to see you posting more and more. I hope to see more  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I did like it as well, hardly "stupid" if anything. One thing you may want to do is, instead of using the hyphens to accentuate the other lines, use HTML! Italics would be a great way to do this, just hit html help at the bottom of the screen to see what I mean.  ~Allan Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life. |
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Bishop Junior Member
since 2001-04-22
Posts 30Nottingham, England |
This is never stupid. If this is, them so is sliced bread!!! I like ur lay out and how the poem flows ^*Bishop*^ |
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Deranger Member
since 2000-05-10
Posts 498Somewhere, between here and there |
Well, what can i say? I think it was a very accurate portrayal of my sex...as distrubing as that is... Good job. Spreading insanity, one post at a time |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Right on!!! Not stupid at all. Keep 'em coming. "I've come too close to happiness, to have it swept away,don't think I can take the pain, never fall again..." Janet |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
Your title/subject got my full attention. And the poem itself did too. i hope this isn't directed to all men. I'm sorry that you have to go thru this kind of situation. I do hope things get better for you. Thanks for the read and keep sharing for it helps ease things "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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cherish Senior Member
since 2001-03-25
Posts 1639swimming in fairy floss........... |
thanx you guys for the comments...again i really do appreciate them.. i still feel as though it's stupid in the way im saying it...but that doesnt really matter does it? about it being about ALL men..well no it isnt..but i couldnt decide whether to put "man" or "men" on it cuz "man " although is singular it could also represent the whole of mankind...and thats not what this poems about."men" on the other hand is a rather limiting form of the plural which suited it better... that's just saying that 'yeah there are good guys out there'...just not the ones that i seem to be attracting though...  well i changed it to suit your comments.... once again thanks....HEAPS! |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
i think it should be called..... "WOMAN" so it becomes neutral so we can all be happy..hehehe  *grabs the wo,mans's hands and hops in a circle* see now we all happy..now is that stupid??...  ...?death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins [This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-24-2001).] |
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Postman Pat Junior Member
since 2001-08-05
Posts 23The Great Land DownUnder |
Oh bebe, we're not all that bad now are we? I'm sure you know at least one decent guy out there (PATRICK PATRICK PATRICK)! I'm sad for you that you have had so much pain in your life. i know that the stuff you're going through right now stinks like sh!t- but you know that im here for you ok? Another sad and rather dark poem from you. |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
*makes a stabbing motion towards a cardboard cut out of a man* DIE!!! *slash slash*  The cuplets were a good idea, Char-ish. Your expression has always been good and this is no exception. Once again, you've written a fab piece. Be proud and don't put yourself down. ~AF~ "Always keep focus on your dreams because most often than not that's all you'll have." - Javier |
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paper doll Member
since 2002-08-04
Posts 133Floating on Uncertainty |
Definitely not stupid at all. It has a ring to it that echoes a pure hatred of men in general. Two thumbs up for that one. I liked this. Sort of sylvia plath-ish. ~M Imagination=nostalgia for the past, the absent; it is the liquid solution in which art develops the snapshots of reality. |
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Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A great peice of writing |
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