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Godsend_1
Member

since 2001-04-19

Posts 247
great state of illinois

0 posted 2001-04-21 03:21 AM

i told you that you would be fine
but secretly i wanted you to fail
cuz then you would have to come back
i am afriad that you will do good
and leave me for the world so real

so i tell you to do your best
and to keep up the good fight
but secretly i pray you fall
and decide not to get back up
so that i can pick you and dust you off

but i told you to succeed
and foolishly you did and won
and now your off to a world unknown
have fun and enjoy the prize

i will wait for your return
always staying put watching
the door to my room and thinking
'why did i have to wish her luck'

i am what i am and that is all that i am and all that i shall ever be......so deal with it

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

1 posted 2001-04-21 03:28 AM

good job on this ben...
different but nice...
keep writing

...?

death is not the greatest loss in life. the greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live. -norman cousins

[This message has been edited by anonymous albert ? (edited 04-21-2001).]

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-04-21 03:40 AM

You were looking out for her well being. You should be happy she's happy, but it does suck to get the butt of the deal.
Hope it all works out in the end.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2001-04-21 07:10 AM

heheh..i gotta agree with dopey here...you should be happy for her..but i know how selfish ppl become when they want sumbody for themselves..you dont want to sound possesive but you cant stand it if they go away...thats love for ya!..
good poem i think it really struck a cord with me especially ( that doesnt look right does it????..oh well...)

"Life is not long and boring,
it's short and compelling." -Javier Agosto-

MindlessPoet
Member

since 2001-04-20

Posts 106
Texas

4 posted 2001-04-21 11:09 AM

that ones sad... at least she's happy! lol

*TiMMYBoY*
Yeah, that's me. The Weird One.

Linc

Senior Member

since 2001-03-07

Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy

5 posted 2001-04-21 11:25 AM

hey,

:'( yet good. I hope too see more of your work I dont get te read it often

until your next poem

-- Linc

"Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment."

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

6 posted 2001-04-21 12:13 PM

I did enjoy this. I especially like the variations in stanza size, that aspect of this poem really is quite creative. Well done.

~Allan

Build a man a fire, and he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
~Unknown

AngelPoet87
Member

since 2001-04-21

Posts 280
Indy

7 posted 2001-04-21 12:17 PM

I think this is one alot of us can relate to, very well written and greatly felt. Good job!

2Good
+2Be
------
4Gotten

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

8 posted 2001-04-21 12:40 PM

Very heartfelt poem, Ben. You weaved a lot into your words, and that made it very interesting to read.
Enjoyed, as always.
Nicely done.

--Marie

subconsciously, i think i can eat so much to make my stomach hurt, instead of my heart.

Angel Bee
Member

since 2001-01-30

Posts 176
Virginia

9 posted 2001-04-21 04:26 PM

good job keep writing
ab

*~Sometimes just holding hands is holding on to everything.~*

cheerleader_gal4life
New Member

since 2001-05-16

Posts 6

10 posted 2001-05-17 08:59 PM

That was nice Ben.Keep doing a good job.

Cherish

obscurity of cloud
Member

since 2001-05-11

Posts 294
....:::::******:::::....

11 posted 2001-05-17 09:17 PM

This was very well written. I liked your phrasing a lot. Keep posting!

"so when at times the mob is swayed to carry praise or blame too far, we may choose something like a star" --Frost

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

12 posted 2001-05-22 09:42 AM

There is a selfish tone to this poem. And deceiving a person is not good at all. Specially the person you claim to care for a lot. I don't have anything against the poem. I think it was well written, but I didn't like the message in it at all. If you wish someone the best of luck, do it whole heartedly

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

13 posted 2001-05-23 03:03 AM

great poem hun it was awesome but why you so mean in the poem?
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

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