»
Archives
»
Teen Poetry #4
»
Oh Susanna
| Teen Poetry #4 |
|
Oh Susanna |
|
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI 
|
Susanna waits at water's edge Her whispers, faint on permafrost. Toys with a daisy, magic hands; Susanna loved companion lost. Susanna waits for her to come To show and tell of far away. A child of a silent world; Susanna's ali, lone and strayed. Susanna stares into the deep, The steady ripples driving mad. A slow returning of a friend, Susanna wishes she still had. Susanna laughs, for never will This child come to her again. The daisy drops, now torn and black. Susanna's ali, now her pen. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 Carly Anne Van Dort - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Morouxshi San Member
since 2000-10-11
Posts 207San Juan, Puerto Rico |
i loved it. kinda my story poems and such but just in your style wich is unique. loved it. San, the wise San, the dumb San, the guy... |
||
|
Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
Really good job of writing this one Carly, it's great! "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
||
|
Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
 This is perfection!!! I kneel and bow infront of you as a sign of respect I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
||
|
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
nice one here. I liked this one a lot carly!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
||
|
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Really amazing, i must say! well done! -Allan |
||
|
MidnightMaverick Junior Member
since 2001-01-15
Posts 35Duluth, MN, USA |
Awesome! Great writing! Midnight Maverick |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Wonderful Child of the Stars! Excellent writing style. The flow in this is just lovely, and the sentiments bring the reader right into the mindset you've created ... very well done!  Best wishes, /Kit |
||
|
jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
imagery? can some say I M A G E R Y ? I saw this scene in my head, no doubt! "Susanna stares into the deep, The steady ripples driving mad. A slow returning of a friend, Susanna wishes she still had." Are you serious? Publish. ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
||
|
peanogrl83 Member
since 1999-12-04
Posts 202 |
Beautiful piece! Was enjoyed. :.) Vreni |
||
|
Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
It was very good. I flow and the format really was well done. emjoyed the read. Regina |
||
|
IsGona Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723 |
Beautiful as usual. ~Jason |
||
|
GirlsBestFriend Member
since 2000-12-27
Posts 71Planet Earth |
"magic hands"! go on Carly!!! ~lotsa luv "Isn't it funny how to the world you are nothing? But then to one person..you're the world" |
||
|
~sugarpie313~ Member
since 2000-09-14
Posts 375Maine, USA |
great poem. i loved it. i LOVED it VALERIE *...Remember your roots, my friend they're right down below, because heroes come and heroes go...* - Creed |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
