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Teen Poetry #4
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I used to laugh...
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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I used to laugh... |
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Baby Gansta Junior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 24 |
It's been a while since I posted anything...so here it goes... I used to laugh. Ask anyone, I was a happy person. I was the one to cheer others up. And then you came And I couldn't cheer you up. So I swallowed your sadness And your bitterness And your hate And your pride Until you were left empty of such horrid things. Then you could run and play and hide And I couldn't even cry. I used to sing. Ask anyone I was a cheerful person. I was the one to make others happy. And then you came And I couldn't make you happy. So I clothed myself in your neglect And your fear And your shadow And your sickness Until you were left without the darkness around you. Then you could speak out load and enjoy and dance And I couldn't even scream. I used to be a person. Ask anyone I was an individual. I was the one that helped others stand on their own 2 feet. But then you came And I couldn't help you stand on your own. So I took upon me your weight And your rages And your tears And your insanity Until you were left without the voices or self hate Then you could love and laugh and sing And I couldn't even leave. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Baby Gansta - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
This person that you tried to help dragged you down. Not good.....that's not a healthy way to live. Assess the situation, be smart, and get out of it....you're smarter than that. Nice poem though, it hit me.....  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
I really enjoyed this one. The format is very original and you did an excellent job of it! Now I have a critique... I think that the words "ask anyone" may fit better at the end of the first line of each stanza, instead of at the start of the second... like- "I used to laugh. Ask anyone. I was a happy person." My humble opinion... hope it isn't in vain.  Great job still! And welcome back to PIP!  ~Allan The sun was born, so it shall die. ~VNV Nation, "Further" |
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Baby Gansta Junior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 24 |
Thx for your comments guys... Dopey your right...and lucky I got out before it was too late. Allen...criticism is good...helps us to learn from our mistakes...so thx. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Ohh...I know how ya feel.....very, very good poem ya got here....hope things look perfectly sunshiney for ya soon! ~Carly NOTE TO SELF: Live to love and love to live. |
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Baby Gansta Junior Member
since 2000-12-09
Posts 24 |
thx Stars... |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a great poem! It really made me sit back and think... I've never been in that situation... but it's not a healthy one. I loved the style of this poem, how each stanza had the same format. Very creative... Welcome back to Passions. --Marie "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul." --Emily Dickinson |
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Heavens Tears
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677 |
Great poem, and a good point. Keep posting! *If the only place I can live my dreams is in my sleep, then I'll sleep forever!* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
wonderful expression, sorry you feel that way. keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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lonely*soul Member
since 2001-04-05
Posts 396east haddam (moodus) ct :) |
this one hit home..good job, and im glad you got your self outta that one..b.c im speaking from experience its hard!!! *KiM* " im surrounded by people, but yet im still all alone" |
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