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Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

0 posted 2001-01-17 06:52 PM

worn and rusty words
written time and time again
this is what i am

Angel in Flight
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 381

1 posted 2001-01-17 07:03 PM

Alright Allan,
...*thinking*...
This to me seems like a pretty sad senryu,
do you truthfully see yourself this way, or do others or did you just write this out of the blue and when you read it it was just sort of there? Anyway, this may sound weird to you but this was quite beautiful because it was sad in my eyes. Keep posting we may all learn something from you. That is if we haven't already.
~Amanda~

To do anyting LESS then your BEST is to SACRIFICE the GIFT!!!

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-01-17 07:34 PM

ok Allan...this is a very interesting piece.
I am getting a mixed message from it. I agree with Amanda in that it is a sad senryu, however it seems to be expressing to me that you are showing a darker side to you. OK maybe not dark but one that isn't so happy. I have already learnt so much from you in your senryu's that this poem just adds another piece to the Allan puzzle.

I really like this and I love reading your senryus. Nice work.

~AF~

"Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment."
Buddha

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2001-01-17 07:54 PM

Nice one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

jeremydraul
Senior Member

since 2000-08-01

Posts 1118
State of Despair

4 posted 2001-01-17 09:48 PM

i think your writing is great... not rusty in the least... keep posting these enjoyable senryu's

~JDR

"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde

Lakewalker
Member Elite

since 2000-08-05

Posts 3289
On the streets w/ people

5 posted 2001-01-17 09:52 PM

This one reaches a couple different levels, excellent job on this man, keep them coming.

"Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker
http://www.thehungersite.com

princess^sarah
Member

since 2001-01-12

Posts 131
melbourne

6 posted 2001-01-18 04:20 AM

great work babe,
*mwah*

fractal007
Senior Member

since 2000-06-01

Posts 1958

7 posted 2001-01-18 05:04 AM

Allan:

I know how you feel.  I have gone through similar experiences in my life.  Sometimes I get depressed and feel this way when I think of the meaning of life.

But I think that in order to spring free of these problems, one must be ones self.  If you think that "yourself" is a boring person, then try something new.

Good poem.  Hope you feel better soon.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

8 posted 2001-01-19 12:54 PM

hmmmmm.....you're making me think
I've read everyone elses reply but i dont agree
I think everyone had their own complaints about life and sometimes we just have to express it.
The problem is you write too good that the emotions in the pieces are so great
Makes people worry

great job

I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

9 posted 2001-04-30 02:21 AM

this is complexity in brevity at its finest...i liked this a lot

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