Teen Poetry #4 |
Rusty Words (senryu) |
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
worn and rusty words written time and time again this is what i am |
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© Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Angel in Flight Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 381 |
Alright Allan, ...*thinking*... This to me seems like a pretty sad senryu, do you truthfully see yourself this way, or do others or did you just write this out of the blue and when you read it it was just sort of there? Anyway, this may sound weird to you but this was quite beautiful because it was sad in my eyes. Keep posting we may all learn something from you. That is if we haven't already. ~Amanda~ To do anyting LESS then your BEST is to SACRIFICE the GIFT!!! |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
ok Allan...this is a very interesting piece. I am getting a mixed message from it. I agree with Amanda in that it is a sad senryu, however it seems to be expressing to me that you are showing a darker side to you. OK maybe not dark but one that isn't so happy. I have already learnt so much from you in your senryu's that this poem just adds another piece to the Allan puzzle. I really like this and I love reading your senryus. Nice work. ~AF~ "Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment." Buddha |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice one. I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. I'm in love with my shadow I admire it daily |
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jeremydraul Senior Member
since 2000-08-01
Posts 1118State of Despair |
i think your writing is great... not rusty in the least... keep posting these enjoyable senryu's ~JDR "Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation." -Oscar Wilde |
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Lakewalker Member Elite
since 2000-08-05
Posts 3289On the streets w/ people |
This one reaches a couple different levels, excellent job on this man, keep them coming. "Disagreements stimulate thought, thought stimulates action, and action stimulates life." --Lakewalker http://www.thehungersite.com |
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princess^sarah Member
since 2001-01-12
Posts 131melbourne |
great work babe, *mwah* |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
Allan: I know how you feel. I have gone through similar experiences in my life. Sometimes I get depressed and feel this way when I think of the meaning of life. But I think that in order to spring free of these problems, one must be ones self. If you think that "yourself" is a boring person, then try something new. Good poem. Hope you feel better soon. |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
hmmmmm.....you're making me think I've read everyone elses reply but i dont agree I think everyone had their own complaints about life and sometimes we just have to express it. The problem is you write too good that the emotions in the pieces are so great Makes people worry great job I see no changes, wake up in the morning I ask myself, "Is life worth living or should I blast myself" TUPAC SHAKUR |
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kaile
since 2000-02-06
Posts 5146singapore |
this is complexity in brevity at its finest...i liked this a lot |
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