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Teen Poetry #4
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Turned Out
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Turned Out |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Hi everyone! It's been quite awhile since I've last posted.. Missed you!!!  Well, here's a poem. Hope the style doesn't "annoy" anyone (let me know)! I find it more comforting to write this way hope you like..-------- “Turned Out” Someone once told me a bit of a lie; when at the edge of the unknown, faith provides the wings to fly. is it so true? or just a fable resown? for this trench is looking deep, and my eyes are drawn to my every retreat... what’s this faith you speak of, my wings are broken it seems. you’re pulling one way, while I cry for another. you don’t mean it, wouldn’t if you knew.. still I’m changing now, turning to something new. a dream I desire.. is it too far? I’ve lost that hope I so deeply require. now I need you my friend, I need this.. wont you help me put the pain to an end? If you turn your back, then what is there left? I’ll be turned out, left behind with all the rest... the others you got to, locking them up.. their minds making the picture of a different room. I know their pain, I can read through their eyes to inside. they need someone, as I, in which to confide. but you’ve turned them out, cast them astray.. so defend as you will.. and I’ll continue to pray. *The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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| © Copyright 2001 silvrduck - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done!!!!!!! W0h00! I really really enjoyed this poem. I thought it was amazing. It's good to see you come back! And so strong too! Wowish.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is a really beautiful poem, i like it a lot. The format doesn't annoy me, but i do thaink that it would make the piece more powerful and easier to read if you included line breaks. excellent work, though, i hope you keep posting. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Welcome back Wow, VERY good job here! I agree with banbury that it would be easier to read if there were more line breaks, but if it's easier writing that way, than whatever floats your boat  Nice job. I can't wait to read more. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Wow, this is REALLY Good! haha, it's very cool, going into my library, and it's good to see a new stand in here! "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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silvrduck Member
since 2000-11-05
Posts 146 |
Gee, thanks you guys! I'm glad you liked it..  Thanks for the tips too! The next one I post like this, I'll try to add some line breaks. Sarah*The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.* |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
You did real good on this poem though I suggest that you break it down in to different lines and stanzas. Maybe when done so, it would give th epoem a better effect "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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