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Teen Poetry #4
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Let Me Take A Look
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Let Me Take A Look |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia 
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I smell the smell of spring in the air Let me take a look To see if I even care Why should it change This circadium cycle is always the same Stuck into a closed range Charge me full of indecisive judgement Or yours too I see Grooming for perfection adornment Let me take a look over at you So I can be what you'll be To do what you'll do I'm sorry if I seem to neglect It's not just hate It's not just my twisted respect Utter indifference to your human being I'd take a look at you Because seeing is believing I'd love to take a look to find what you think But whenever I see you My emotions seem to sink Like a boat built out of sediment Your feelings for me; the lack thereof Is significantly evident This is not written as revenge The plot of life to love Not a life devoted to avenge A distorted view on the world You seemed to be part of All things come back to you once unfurled I forgot I remembered How it has been I'd take a look Just to see you once again. ---------------------------- "The heart can think of no devotion |
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| © Copyright 2001 Sean Michael DeFlora - All Rights Reserved | |||
Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
*applause* VERY nice job, Ozz. I really think this piece shines with talent... especially the seperation of the last part. It is truly creative and you should be very proud! ~Allan Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale) |
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banburycross Senior Member
since 2001-03-27
Posts 946viginia |
This is a really incredible piece. I love the format and it flows really well. Sometimes, the things that go unsaid are the only things worth hearing. |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
love the user name btw. the poem flowed so well. the words were great. everything was very awesome! regina a small cut is only the beggining of a life in pain |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
This is a very good poem, you really show off your talent in this one. The flow is incredible.. Just tp be picky, the only thing I would change is the first line: "I smell the smell of spring in the air" Maybe you could try using "scent" instead of the second "smell." Nice job. --Marie It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nice job on this one. I liked it a lot! VERY BERRY!  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
YEAH!!! This was grrrrrrrrrrrrreat. ~Carly Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be |
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anonymous albert ?
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979 |
beautiful flow good job keep wrtin  |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
that was a really good one i think you have outdone yourself  keep sharing "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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