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katherine
Member

since 2000-06-10

Posts 365
Canberra Australia

0 posted 2001-03-30 05:18 AM

I wrote this some time last year, and found it when i was cleaning up. i'm not sure about the title but oh well here goes.

You held me in your arms
and said such sweet things.
All i wanted at that moment
was for our lips to touch in
a simple kiss.

But no for it wasn't ment to be
cause you wanted friendship and
i wanted so much more......

[This message has been edited by katherine (edited 03-30-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-03-30 05:20 AM

Short, and very much to the point! In my humble opinion, poems this short should be kept to Senryu/Haiku or Tanka format.
Try this sometime.
~Allan

Its rather handy being at the top of the food chain...you can sort things out and not get the blame for it. ~~Elizabeth Johnson (anonymousfemale)

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-03-30 10:44 AM

Listen to Allan. He knows what he's talking about.

If you do decide to change it into a senryu, post it. I'd love to see the result.

Nice job.

~AF~

Death is delightful. Death is dawn, the waking from a weary night of fevers unto truth and light.
~ Joaquin Miller ~

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2001-03-30 01:12 PM

Yeh! Listen to the genius.

I liked this one. Nice to read yer words again.
~Carly

Many miles behind my eyelashes, there always seems to be
the strangest things, the slightly sane, that only I can see...

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

4 posted 2001-03-30 03:10 PM

Allan knows his stuff... take his advice.
Keep posting, I would love to read more..

--Marie

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

5 posted 2001-03-30 03:38 PM

This is short, but the emotions you give us are strong and can't be forgotten easily. I am in this situation right now, and I know it isn't easy. I hope that this person comes to their senses soon! Thanks for sharing.

"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

6 posted 2001-03-31 05:42 PM

ahhh...the feeling of longing for a kiss

you did good my friend
keep it up

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2001-04-01 09:33 PM

I completely disagree with Allan. I have written more than a 100 poems that short and found that, at times, the limitation of those formats can destroy the deep meaning I want to put within my poems....

anyhow, I thought you did well.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

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