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Teen Poetry #4
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Crystal Catacombs - Ascension Song (entry 6)
| Teen Poetry #4 |
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Crystal Catacombs - Ascension Song (entry 6) |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg 
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crawling relentlessly out of the ground taking the lead to a lonely parade hush, little baby, do not make a sound hush, little baby, do not be afraid crawling, advancing, a toddler's toil scorning my parents, and doing without learning to walk, in the dark of the soil learning to talk, in the silence about cutting the pathway, a hole in the dark squinting my eyes at the villainous light swinging my claws in a primitive arc swinging my claws, as a toddler's right surfacing sadly, into the abyss looking about, with my blind, beady eyes taking deep breaths, remembering this, taking deep breaths, inhaling the skies incubate me, my crystalline cradle be my abode, my shelter and land feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle feed me nutrition by cold, loving hand crawling relentlessly out of the ground taking the lead to a lonely parade hush, little baby, do not make a sound hush, little baby, do not be afraid [This message has been edited by Allan Riverwood (edited 03-21-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Greeneyes617 Member
since 2000-11-22
Posts 329Arkansas |
This is very interesting...I have only read a few of the others in your Crystal Catacombs series. I think this is my favorite. You are very talented. ~*Malinda*~ |
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fractal007 Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 1958 |
This was truly the most impressive poem I've seen thus far in this series. I loved the repetition combined with the vivid imagery and sensory appeal. This made quite an impressive combination. "If history is to change, let it change. If the world is to be destroyed, so be it. If my fate is to die, I must simply laugh" |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
Wow, Allan! WONDERFUL job. This is one of the best I've read from you. Very nicely done  --Marie I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am. |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Nicely done here Allan! I truly enjoyed this read.  I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust. |
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Elvenblood Member
since 2001-02-17
Posts 409Maine, USA |
Hey Allan, it's "ok" for just "anything" lol ;-) "Some men see things as they are and say why. |
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LoveBug
Moderator
Member Elite
since 2000-01-08
Posts 4697 |
"incubate me, my crystalline cradle be my abode, my shelter and land feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle feed me nutrition by cold, loving hand" Allan, I love everything in this piece. The imagery and the symbolism are so strong. The structure and flow are also well done. Thanks for sharing.  "Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli |
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fozzyozzy Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 336Lessburg Virginia |
I love how you can just put yourself in the most strange of situations and still be able to write. My admiration goes to you Allan. Peace Out "The heart can think of no devotion |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Allan, this is the most stupendous piece of writing I do believe I have ever read before in my life. Your rhyme scheme was excellent and the usage of repetition really accentuated the depth and dramatic sting. The format suited the piece extremely well, as any ordinary poem wouldn't have gone down quite as well as a song. This would have to be my favourite Crystal Catacombs entry out of the entire series. If something like this can make me smile, "feed me the souls of the dead with a ladle" you've got me hooked. Definitely a library piece. Keep them coming, Mr Riverwood. ~AF~ "It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory." |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
Thanks for the replies, everyone! This is definitely a very entertaining series for me to be writing. I am glad it is going well for all of you too. I'll post the next entry in a few days, so be patient!  ~Allan If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort |
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Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
Well well well...Lookie lookie heah!! Cawly's wepwying!  Once again, I'm left in awe.......~Carly "The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake." |
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Acies
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-06-07
Posts 7665Twilight Zone |
not bad Allan, not bad at all Sounds like an Eric Clapton song keep sharing by the way, I'd prefer an MP3 of the song  "So long as men can breathe or eyes can see, |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
I'm in a funny mood don't mind me but the first thing that popped into my head was Lullaby!!! sorry I know it would make one freaky lullaby so would you sing it to me someday ;p jk but it was amazing you are oozing and dripping with talent I so want your autograph asap *giggles* I wish I was just as amazing as you are... Tmd, Kristen "Let me be the one you call, if you jump I'll break your fall, lift you up and fly away with you into the night" ~Crash and Burn~ |
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Allan Riverwood
since 2001-01-04
Posts 3502Winnipeg |
haha... bumping earlier parts of the series... you guys are all nuts. now I'm going to confuse people! |
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Linc
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552The Backstreet Boy |
Great gob, oh and nice pic -- Linc "Once you reach your original goal it seems that the journey was your real accomplishment." |
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Poet on Acid Member
since 2001-01-07
Posts 325Florida, USA |
Dude...YOUR BETTER THAN ME!!!! THAT IS SO UNFAIR!! Ok so it doesn't take much to be better than me but still... anyways great work as usual though with you i severly doubt any of this is work.. >¶Øʆ< |
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