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fozzyozzy
Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 336
Lessburg Virginia

0 posted 2001-03-19 09:12 PM

Imagine What It Is

Imagine what it's like
To have a damaged psyche
To see another set of eyes
With insanity you realize
All people lie
They don't know why
You can comprehend
The world to no end
Experiencing all
Locked away safe from fall

Imagine into shoes
A gambler who can't lose
So far gone to be
Only kings to see
With royalty as his reward
Foolishly he falls on his sword
Now gambler no more
Triple beaten by four

Imagine at the dive
Suicide just too live
Into another dimension gone
Poorest of lover's final swan song
Earth rushing so fast
Into Earth they crashed
Held on so tightly
Picture so lovely

"The heart can think of no devotion
Greater than being shore to ocean
Holding the curve of one position
Counting an endless repetition"
-

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

1 posted 2001-03-19 09:47 PM

I thought this poem was odd. Kind of twisted if you ask me, but I saw nothing that bad about it....I liked it....

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

2 posted 2001-03-20 09:08 AM

Now this I like! You actually made me pause after every line to fully take it all in. Plus I re-read it I liked it that much.

Your rhyme scheme was very simple which gave the piece that extra edge. Because most of the words rhymed really well with eachother, a heavy format wouldn't have suited it in my opinion.

Nice little display of your marvellous talent here. Keep it up.

~AF~

"It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory."
-W. Edwards Deming

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

3 posted 2001-03-20 09:50 AM

I think the first stanza doesn't flow as well as is could flow.. but other than that, very good job. I enjoyed reading this one.

--Marie

I never thought that you would ever be the one to let me down. I guess that just goes to show how wrong I always am.

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

4 posted 2001-03-20 10:02 PM

I'll ditto Marie on the flow comment.
But I think this was incredibly unusual... and in a very good way.
An interesting read.

~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

5 posted 2001-03-21 04:53 PM

Twisted stuff is mah kinda stuff...Gotta luv it...Shanks for posting. Peace.
~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

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