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Teen Poetry #4

Pack Rat

Dark Enchantress
Senior Member

since 1999-07-27

Posts 1258
meet Morgana

0 posted 2001-03-12 10:30 PM

I get so tired of myself,
unable to blind my eyes
to avoid seeing myself
For there in those brown eyes
I see the pain of a thousand blades
and the loneliness of too many years
Cryptic messages of secrets
that are only mine to hold -
such a heavy purse

[This message has been edited by Dark Enchantress (edited 03-12-2001).]

Allan Riverwood

Member Elite

since 2001-01-04

Posts 3502
Winnipeg

1 posted 2001-03-12 10:41 PM

now THIS one I liked. The last line made me think of a senryu (being in five syllables.)
It held a lot of impact and I think was probably the focal point of the poem.
Very nice job. The title is also very good.
~Allan

If I had your eyes, I'd be blind. For I can only see out of my own. ~~Carly Van Dort

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2001-03-13 06:59 PM

*claps*
Ooooooooooo
Aaaaaaaaaaa
Great poem here. Your talent shines!!

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

TearsOfPearls
Member

since 1999-09-23

Posts 322
Vereeniging, South-Africa

3 posted 2001-03-16 02:46 PM

Wow...i thought this poem was excellent. Nicely written

Planning big can be a gamble...I have already rolled the dice!

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

4 posted 2001-03-16 10:43 PM

....WOW. I love your, your, your talent, your style, your titles, yeah!! You're really cool!!!!

~Carly

"The eye sees a thing more clearly in dreams than the imagination awake."
- Leonardo da Vinci

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

5 posted 2001-03-20 08:31 PM

I'd love to talk to you one of these days

"So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
So long lives this, and this give life to thee." W.S.

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