»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #12
»
the need in me
| Open Poetry #12 |
|
the need in me |
|
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
|
Nothing new beneath the sun each day is like the other one every day a brick in stone another day of life's atone Forgive me, should I kick the walls and blasphemy down hallowed halls? Take me on a finger's trace untying bows of tethered lace unlatching buckles- leather's suede longing tongue to taste of fate? Longing, sweet...unanswered curse. Still unsure of which is worse... a-bed m'love, and call him mine? or lick my finger in sublime? Another night, I watch the moon in gaze upon sun rise too soon hunger's yearning restlessly the need to feed the need in me. |
||
| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
You gotta know just how this one affects me dearlin...and you know exactly how I feel...just DO IT!!!! love you |
||
|
Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Serenity, Just beautiful. Just do it as Paula said. Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
||
|
Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Take me on a finger's trace untying bows of tethered lace unlatching buckles- leather's suede longing tongue to taste of fate? Longing, sweet...unanswered curse. Still unsure of which is worse... a-bed m'love, and call him mine? or lick my finger in sublime? Another night, I watch the moon in gaze upon sun rise too soon hunger's yearning restlessly the need to feed the need in me. ======================== *shaking me head* oh man ....OH MAN ya know ....if I get started I wont be able to shut up  (and you already know that I know...yaya) ... So let me be a good lil moth for a change and just say ... gawwwwd I love the way you write!!! yer so cool  me Tomorrow holds only mystery And who's to say what might be But in you I've found a love so strong The sun and the moon look on in jealousy ~VH~ |
||
|
doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
you sure can write, y'know that? well, needs are real, important, valid, and everyone deserves to find a way to have them met..... (((hugs))) to you.... don't get any ideas!! *wink*... i can't meet THAT need... well.. i COULD but... LOL... i don't wanna! |
||
|
jellybeans Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298 |
well, i was here once, and didn't 'do it' and look where it left me....don't want to tell you what to do, your heart will do that, just want to say that this is an incredible write  |
||
|
Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
beautiful write, I'm saving this, goes in my library. Words flowed so easily. |
||
|
Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
had to come back and save. |
||
|
ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Feeling a little lonely and in need of some tender lovin and huggin and of course burnin the rest of the midnight oil..............write on Celeste...you're healing your heart with every word......take care......ethome Reality seldom bears the possibilities of imagination! |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
You know, this one has bite to it. Not just the need but all that's behind it. Love your style, serenity. Michael |
||
|
OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Wow, very powerful write, I enjoyed it greatly, hope it was as good for you as it was for me  Regards Olias |
||
|
Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Ok... Karen...I'M OFFENDED...I'M new beneath the sun...tch.. heh love ya The word which springs to me is wistful..yep - that's the tone. Me likes... K says if you are encouraging constructive critiques how do you feel about trying your poetry out without ellipses? So this: Longing, sweet...unanswered curse. Still unsure of which is worse... a-bed m'love, and call him mine? or lick my finger in sublime? would become: Longing, sweet - unanswered curse. Still unsure of which is worse a-bed m'love, and call him mine? or lick my finger in sublime? or Longing, sweet, unanswered curse. Still unsure of which is worse a-bed m'love, and call him mine? or lick my finger in sublime? I know your ellipses are your personal style and that is cool - I'm just thinking in a poetic sense. Punctuation can be a nasty thing when it comes to poetry. Tell me what you think anywho  K |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Paula...thanks lovie...you're too sweet! hoping to be catching up to you soon. Daniel, what a NICE surprise to see you here! Thank you my friend. Janet Marie...you are way too kind to me...HUGS rosebud...it's always so flattering to know that someone likes my work enough to save for another read...thank you! doreen...miss ya lucy! didn't forget your pic...just been fighting, fighting, fighting at home..sighs, hugs and thanks jellybeans...I know you know how it goes, especially since YOU are ME...lol...thank you! ethome, where've ya been my friend? Thanks as always for your kind replies and just for taking the time for me..hugs! Michael? Just seeing your name there is like winning a prize! :D means much to me, thank you! OLIAS...I'm so glad you enjoyed...now how bout a cig for ME? LOL now...Kamla...I am LMAO....the floor around my desk...is....littered...with discared...elipses...lol...you should have seen how many I TOOK out...so I do understand what you are saying about abuse...:D But? to go further? let's chat later about the punctuation thing? I've very interested in "substition", a technique Emily Dickinson was fond of....so....more later? Thank you, K of the lovely voice! [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 02-08-2001).] |
||
suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Gripping poem... well done!!! (And don't throw those ellipses away... I'll take all your extras! LOL) |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
