the heart of the city--Saturday night

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Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2001-03-20 08:42 PM

driving through the night
sitting here on the bus
we look at each other
a group of people kinda like
that painting, "Nighthawks"

the night is our home
but is it a home that we've chosen?
or has it been chosen for us?

we watch the lights as they go by
wondering about the stories of the people

he wonders about his own life
as he watches the landscape change

the time has come

time for his life to move on
it's Saturday night here in the heart of the city

catch the next bus. . .

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To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Bill Charles
Member Patricius

since 2000-07-11

Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now

1 posted 2001-03-20 08:44 PM

Sven - tell it like it is, you have done well with this.

BC

catalinamoon

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-03

Posts 9543
The Shores of Alone

2 posted 2001-03-20 08:55 PM

Yes, I can see that now, the lonely people on the bus. Good write.
Sandra

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2001-03-20 09:25 PM

I can see this in such detail Sven..........way to write! This is awesome

SEA

Meadowmuse
Member Elite

since 1999-12-27

Posts 3263

4 posted 2001-03-20 09:28 PM

Sven, the sense of isolation within the crowd is quite strong here, as is your defining movement and change for your protagonist by placing him aboard a moving bus with an ever changing landscape to observe and subsequently reflect upon his own life. A question I must ask ~ why does the POV change at S4? I find myself wanting to either continue with the "we, us" or change the beginning POV to "he, his" etc. Just an observation, dear Sven. It's a neat poem. (o:

Claire

Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

5 posted 2001-03-21 01:10 PM

Bill, thanks. . . is there any other way??

Sandra, I see them every day. . . and we keep riding. . . thank you. . .

SEA, thank you. . . glad that you enjoyed. . .

Claire, the POV changes because I was trying to show that he is not only looking around himself. . . but that he was also looking AT himself. . . kind of a third-person POV. . . I don't know if it makes sense, but thanks for the question my friend. . .

------------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Tennessee Angel
Senior Member

since 2000-06-03

Posts 661
Tennessee

6 posted 2001-03-21 06:37 PM

Ah Sven! I always know that if your name is attached it's going to be a wonderful read and I sure wasn't disappointed here. Great Job! It's always good to pop in here and get my poetic-sven fix.

Just A Woman
Senior Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 507

7 posted 2001-03-21 06:42 PM

I love this reflection. And I have to echo Miss Tennessee Angel.

"When people show you who they are, believe them"

~Maya Angelou~

Mother_Earth
Senior Member

since 2000-11-20

Posts 1370
1/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan

8 posted 2001-03-21 08:10 PM

Sven, life is a ride no matter how you look at it. Keep going, hard telling what is at the end of the line. Good work. Hugs, ME

JLR
Senior Member

since 2001-02-04

Posts 1785

9 posted 2001-03-21 10:29 PM

I don't know what to say except I absolutely love this image. Inspired!

Nate Dogg
Senior Member

since 1999-11-15

Posts 1658
Georgia, Fulton

10 posted 2001-03-21 11:03 PM

Sven this is a lovely, thought-provoking verse.....wonderful write!

Nathan

Lady In White

Member Elite

since 2001-02-12

Posts 2799
USA

11 posted 2001-03-22 12:19 PM

This reads as a sad piece, until, as pointed out, one changes his or her point of view...

well done, Sir.

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

12 posted 2001-03-22 01:13 PM

Angel, thank you. . . I'm glad that I could give you that little needed thing. . . (:

Just a Woman, thank you my friend. . . it's a new mirror. . .

ME, I know. . . I just hope that it's worth the fare that I've paid. . . thank you my friend. . .

JLR, thank you. . . it comes from riding a lot of buses. . .

Nate, thank you. . . glad you enjoyed. . .

Lady in White, thank you. . . I'm glad that you saw that. . .

---------------------------------------------------------

To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world.

Temptress

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-06-15

Posts 7136
Mobile, AL

13 posted 2001-03-22 05:10 PM

Interesting poem you have here, Sven.

I do like it, but I think I might need to read it again!

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