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Rabbit on the Run
| Open Poetry #12 |
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Rabbit on the Run |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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I should have recognized the quiver Familiarity of shiver I should have seen the twitch of eyes I recognized you by your hind, as you hopped away. What began as gentle coo Became soliloquy of you- Every dream I’d not dreamt yet- Counted, as the tears I wept Ticking time of every day. And all the bravado professed, Each hope of mine to Priest, confess— (Is there some vial, where you keep tears?) in quell of searing of your fears? Tell me. I will bend to pray. Every hour-- chime of clock a thought of you in my mind, docks, (a gentle rabbit on the run) in fear of love—a loaded gun— and all the longing be undone, except , the longing, left to stay. *still yet, another reference to Jethro Tull's "skating away (on the thin ice of a new day...)  ---"and as you cross the wilderness suspending in your emptiness you feel you have to pray. Looking for a sign that the universal mind has written you, into the Passion Play..." [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 03-20-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Excellent analogy! This is so very well done. I would think the And at the beginning of one stanza could be removed, see what you think. This one is such a great piece, care if I copy and save? |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
This is a metaphor to be proud of, excellent poetry, Serenity! Kathleen Blake |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Virginia? I do thank you. But if it's MY "and"? I wanted to not only, keep that as an "And-- by-the-way thought?" It also helps to keep the first two lines of that verse in 8/8 syllable count. It helps, I think, with the flow...with a *wink* to the balladeer...grin... Thanks much, Va. got by me Kath...hugs, m'lady! [This message has been edited by serenity (edited 03-20-2001).] |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ok, now when I grow up, I want to write like Marty, and Doreen, and now Serenity... I'm going to have to visit Sybil some day I do believe, for lessons.... IWIHWT..... |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
I should have recognized the quiver Familiarity of shiver =================== What began as gentle coo Became soliloquy of you- Every dream I’d not dreamt yet- Counted, as the tears I wept Ticking time of every day. And all the bravado professed, Each hope of mine to Priest, confess— (Is there some vial, where you keep tears?) in quell of searing of your fears? Tell me. I will bend to pray. Every hour-- chime of clock a thought of you in my mind, docks, (a gentle rabbit on the run) in fear of love—a loaded gun— and all the longing be undone, except , the longing, left to stay. ===================== "(Is there some vial, where you keep tears?) in quell of searing of your fears? Tell me. I will bend to pray." yer so damn cool ... this is a write of rhyme divine me twin... work those metaphors baby... awesome write Sen ... (me thinks ya need a hamster)  give them a lil creaky wheel to play in and they are content as a clam *S* We wish ourselves beautiful, |
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PoeticKnight Senior Member
since 2000-01-20
Posts 1144New Orleans, LA |
Very visual and cool stuff...but I was thinking more of Sweet's "Fox on the Run." |
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Celeste Senior Member
since 2000-11-11
Posts 597 |
I applaud, Serenity! You leave me in awe! The greatest part of a writer's time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
john updike should be proud..... oh.... and the thing about rabbits?.... oh, you know... they may run, but when they hop, they sure have fun.... and you know what they say about a rabbit with big ears? you don't? ahh.... well, just check the size of his feat... it's spring, y'know? hop on by... there's new life everywhere... oh and the poem...? (see? here i go again, harpo, just rambling and who knows whether it has any significance at all to anything)... but the poem? the poem is...... frigging awesome.... eggzactly!!! but where's my goodie bag? lol seriously, though, you can write. did you know that? yep.... you're an awesome writer.... with a very unique, charming, lucid, and extremely centered style which hits the reader hard.... |
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S Arthur Grey Senior Member
since 2001-03-19
Posts 719woven by a poet's loom |
Serenity, Well, this could be an interesting place, by the look of this. A most interesting style you have . . . S Arthur |
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thecraig Member
since 2001-03-11
Posts 223 |
"He'll get bye, without his apple pie so run rabbit , run rabbit run run run" I guess even a department store lift may feel the wilderness if a gun is there. |
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bslicker 
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321state of mind |
a gentle rabbit on the run, in fear of love --- a loaded gun. Like this part, but better not say to much....heeee heeee.. Bernie oh added to library. A a day keeps the world 'gBernie Slicker |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Do you suppose if Ian Anderson was going to run away he'd put that other leg down? "(a gentle rabbit on the run) in fear of love—a loaded gun— and all the longing be undone, except , the longing, left to stay." The signifigance of the rabbit seems quite important here as you have placed these words so firmly.......love this piece Celeste......write'em up! The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges. |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Virginia? Please don't think me not open to critique....I AM. And I do consider the word "and" very expendable....grin...thank you for caring enough to read my work and reply so graciously. many thanks, my friend! Kath? Your kindness never fails to touch my heart. I thank you much, kind friend! kari....ya make me blush...and? are you assuming that I'M grown up? ROFL....love ya lady! JM? no no no, not hamsters...makes me think of that awful Richard Gere rumor... Hugs you, e ya later....need some info, k?Celeste...thank you lovie...but no awe...sheesh!  doreen? you are SO good for my ego. love ya lucy....call home, et!S Arthur? This IS a very interesting place! Ya just don't know...lol with to those who do! Welcome, and thank you!thecraig? O---kay! thanks for reading PK--is that an invitation to a fox hunt? lol and ethome? somehow I knew you were a Tull fan! Hugs to a Tull fan from an ethome fan! Love to all....gawd I LOVE this place! |
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