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Open Poetry #12
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2001-03-12 11:54 PM


And so it was a broken heart
that gave the goddess such a start
the tears began to flow and then
the raindrops fell in flood's begin.

Thunder was her raging moan,
desires crashed the comfort's home,
lightning from her very eyes,
she taught the wind his lonesome cry.

All the day and into night
for forty days she wept in might
rivers formed the ocean's pool
rocks were hewn into fine jewels...
she wept until her heart was spent
and from this calm, a dove was sent.

that all the sorrows now surcease
and fly away on wings of peace.


© Copyright 2001 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
1 posted 2001-03-12 11:58 PM


Oh my!!! This is wonderful!!! Not a misstep in the rhythm....I love this..
Honeybee
Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA
2 posted 2001-03-13 12:03 PM



I second that motion Sharon! So beautiful and full of hope, I loved the last two verses~

Take care,
Melissa~


The beauty of poetry gives my soul wings to fly free within dreams

~Melissa P. Monette~



Just A Woman
Senior Member
since 2001-03-10
Posts 507

3 posted 2001-03-13 12:23 PM


Oh beautiful.......completely beautiful. This captured and held me completely through it.

After years of searching, I have found I am nothing more, nothing less...I am in truth Just A Woman after all.

CocoBaci
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043

4 posted 2001-03-13 01:51 AM


Thunder was her raging moan,
desires crashed the comfort's home,
lightning from her very eyes,
she taught the wind his lonesome cry


S P E C T A C U L A R


Oh how I just adored this one and FINALLY I get to read one of your poems while on front page so I don't have to dig around and startle you again

Hugs2uPoetFriend
~coco~

Marge Tindal
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores
5 posted 2001-03-13 03:59 AM


Serenity~
You are touching a mighty muse, girl !
Just might be your most spectacular penning of the moment !
I am caught in the beauty.
This is one heck of a fine piece of writing.
*Hugs*
~*Marge*~


~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com


bslicker
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2000-12-04
Posts 2321
state of mind
6 posted 2001-03-13 08:57 AM


Don't fly away to far,

Peace..




Bernie


Bernie Slicker

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

7 posted 2001-03-13 09:14 AM


lightning from her very eyes,
she taught the wind his lonesome cry.

All the day and into night
for forty days she wept in might
rivers formed the ocean's pool
rocks were hewn into fine jewels...
she wept until her heart was spent
and from this calm, a dove was sent.

that all the sorrows now surcease
and fly away on wings of peace.
================================

"rocks were hewn into fine jewels"

(so are words when from thy pen)
love ya for this one baby
me



"that all the sorrows now surcease
and fly away on wings of peace."



"

Sprayed across my heart and hers
Danced butterflies in the wild
This angel, this woman ,
who loves me with the innocence of a child.
~DeVante~

jellybeans
Member Elite
since 2000-10-13
Posts 2298

8 posted 2001-03-13 09:28 AM


I agree with coco...that verse is spectacular...the whole thing is perfect, rythmically, metaphorically, and.....perfect...or did I already say that?

wow lady, you just keep getting better and better.....I am in awe...just love this lady

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

9 posted 2001-03-13 09:43 AM


moving, very moving

I would suggest "AS floods begin? instead of in floods begin.

your muse is showing!!!!!

Kathleen Blake

"When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass,
and the sun drips honey."
Laurie Lee



[This message has been edited by Kathleen (edited 03-13-2001).]

insect
Senior Member
since 2000-04-22
Posts 1014

10 posted 2001-03-13 10:20 AM


For You
__________________________________

Spinning, spinning, into your arms
Setting off all the alarms
Kissing, kissing, into the night
An atmospheric attraction held their lips tight

Holding, holding, in a storm of thirst
The pressure of love was ready to burst
Sweet, sweet winds mix together
Becoming one storm lost in each other

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

11 posted 2001-03-13 03:08 PM


sharon? Thanks, as you know...I'll be turning forty this summer and I'm thrilled about it--I wish you could be here--I AM going to the park to release a dove!

Thank you Melissa...I've been kinda blue lately and wanted to write something a little more hopeful. I appreciate your reading me very much!

JAW...oh.. heh heh...thank you for the beautiful. You are SO kind.

Coco...have I told you lately how much I appreciate you? Do you know that you inspired me to go back and actually save my work? LOL...not kidding...didn't have any of it! and I truly do forget about some of them..and when you pull those old ones up? it makes me scratch my head sometimes and say "hey!" Thank you much my dear friend!

Marge...yanno, if you can't touch the one you desire...I guess a mighty muse will have to do... but thank you for that extraordinary compliment...love to you, m.o.m.s.

Bernie...how I wish I could fly! Funny for someone who's never been airborne I'm pretty good at the "crash and burn" part! and hugs.

JM...I'll include all my poet sisters in my peace prayers too..thank you for loyalty and sweet understanding!

jb...I never say that things can't get much worse...do you know the old Beatles tune? "I have to admit it's getting better, a little better all the time?" well, ironically enough, it was John Lennon who added the cynical "can't get much worse"...sigh, and we all know how that turned out. HUGS and prayer for you too.

Kathleen, thank you for your kind attention.
and I know it's a small word to change? But? I feel that changing the line to AS flood's begin? Gives a feeling of separateness, whereas using IN flood's begin, more clearly associates the flood as being caused by the tears of the goddess. So...I thought about it? and I think I'll let that one stand. But thank you, and please feel free to offer suggestions anytime, I truly appreciate your interest!

insect...I love when ya write for me, baby! have missed ya, where ya been? (or was it me that was missing??? confused as ever, as you can see...many hugs and even more thank yous---

And my gratitude to all and HUGS TO FORUM.

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