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A home without a wall, |
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| How to Join | Member's Area | Private Library | Search | Sanctuary | Login | |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Main Forums | Discussion | Tech Talk | Mature Content | Archives |
A home without a wall, |
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| Open Poetry #12 |
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Beneath The Surface(of a prostitute) |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
This is another old one that I revised to make better...this piece was average at best and very one-dimensional at first and suddenly, I came up with ideas as I was typing and now everything's all gravy....enjoy! Externally, she may seem confident and sure but internally, she is really insecure as she sells her body in the streets, to feed her child and to make ends meet. She wished that she could leave these streets but, it ain't easy cause, she can't read as, she's stuck in a black hole of bad situations, wishing that she was someone with an occupation. Everyday, she cries and cries, about her immoral life, as she recieves no type of love from her customers, as they just leave and throw wads of money at her. She really wants out of this mess cause, she's really stressed and depressed but, she's afraid of the backlash it would harbor from David Carter, her pimp and her baby's father. She's a beautiful, black queen, one of the finest girls I've seen and everytime I see her in the streets, I see someone trapped, trying to break free. She would have the most saddest looks in her eyes leaving you to imagine about how she feels inside. Whenever I felt compelled to help her out, "leave me alone!" is what she would shout. I just left her alone to continue her downfall even though the writing, is bleeding on the wall but, I guess this fish will have to float on her own and see how it feels, to swim the sea alone. [This message has been edited by Nate Dogg (edited 03-11-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Nate Dogg - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Voiceless Senior Member
since 2001-02-19
Posts 686Under the stars upon the wind |
Sadly people don't see beyond the surface and refuse to see the seeking person within.. Sadly this poem is true.. Very Well Done. ~*Peachy Be*~ |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Nate~ You amaze me...this is awesome it was like opening up her soul and seeing what made her who she is...so many times only judgement passes through the small minds of others and not the reasons or the person behind the mask that is put on every day...awesome work~ |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
Nate, as Butterflies said this is awsome. So many times we get into a "mess" and can't find "up". She sort of knows where she is now, but if not there then where? Not for me to judge! Thoughtful poem. Hugs, ME |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Ah Nathan...this is so very good...sometimes you want so badly to help...but even tho the person wants to be helped they dont know how to say yes... |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Enjoyed reading this Nate...what if she wanted help and no one would reach out to her...it's always nice to have someone reaching because you never know when someone wants to be touched...James |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
She's a beautiful, black queen, one of the finest girls I've seen and everytime I see her in the streets, I see someone trapped, trying to break free. She would have the most saddest looks in her eyes leaving you to imagine about how she feels inside. Whenever I felt compelled to help her out, "leave me alone!" is what she would shout. I just left her alone to continue her downfall even though the writing, is bleeding on the wall but, I guess this fish will have to float on her own and see how it feels, to swim the sea alone. =================== a very cool write, from a unique perspective Nate ... inspired and influenced by things around you that many never see... and most who do... choose to look the other way ... some dont understand ... not everything in life is about choices... shes probably doing the best she can with the cards she has been dealt... compassionate write poet sir. well done. We're living in a world full of illusion Everything is so unreal My mind is in a state of confusion But I can't deny the way I feel ~Depeche Mode~ |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
nate- this was such a powerful and poignant piece--really awesome work. this touched deep within the soul and brought out the real person "she" is...often times people are really doing the best they can as jan says "with the cards they are dealt" so lovely of you to touch upon that. take care amy  "A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart & can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words." |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Nate, Glad I caught this it is a good write. I think JM said it best, can't add much to that. Sy |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
'...the writing, is bleeding on the wall' very good piece. It is sad, unfortunate...that the only one we can save is ourselves. |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
excellent Nate. . . a reminder that there's always more than what we see. . . great job. . . ------------------------------------------------------ To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
Thank you all, for your wonderful comments Nathan |
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DYME Member
since 2000-07-29
Posts 104Texas |
All I can say is AMEN!! You went deeper than any one would even imagine going. I loved this one. NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST ME SHALL PROSPER... ISAIAH 54:17 |
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