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Open Poetry #12

an old tune

NC
Member

since 2001-02-20

Posts 89

0 posted 2001-02-27 10:48 PM

when i danced for you
there was never a moment
when the steps were forced
or a movement argued

with closed eyes, i whirled
fabrics of trust
leaving trails of silk
for you to follow

when i danced for you
i never imagined
the voyeur that hid
behind the curtain

pulling threads of hope
then tying them, taut
playing me

on a cold piano

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

1 posted 2001-02-27 11:34 PM

What a change of feel from the beginning to the end. Chilling ending. The reader comes away as surprised and betrayed as the poem's subject. Well done, again, N.C.!!!

Saunni
Senior Member

since 2000-07-11

Posts 1777
West Virginia

2 posted 2001-02-28 12:20 PM

I loved this piece a lot. You truly have written a masterpiece here.

Sauni

Sauni :)
Have you ever known the color grey when the nighttime finds you weak
I have, I've walked that road each time; that's where my angel sleeps

Krawdad
Member Elite

since 2001-01-03

Posts 2597

3 posted 2001-02-28 02:56 AM

I agree, chilling betrayal. Well done, NC!

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2001-02-28 03:02 AM

You just never know how to feel when something like this happens. The betrayal is a shot in the heart. I like the ending.....a cold piano....well said! well written!

The poet is like a cocoon; in him the caterpillar of the past finds rest, and from him the butterfly of the future emerges.

Dee
Member Elite

since 2000-08-19

Posts 2330
Queensland, Australia

5 posted 2001-02-28 04:23 AM

Beautifully done, NC. I enjoyed the twist.
Dee

I wish you every happiness and may you always have the best of the good things in life. a brand

Cerenity
Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 2637
Escondido-California

6 posted 2001-03-01 12:32 PM

Hi NC,

To dance into deciet, loved the imagery in this piece, well done,

Love, Cerenity

"God doesn't have to be reminded that we exist.
We have to be reminded that He exist!"

(Writer Unknown)

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