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By the end of the summer
| Open Poetry #12 |
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By the end of the summer |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
By the end of the summer. The rain, cleared all the dirt. The wind, took it all away. The grass, grew green again. The frogs, laid eggs again. My mind, grew strong again. My heart, mend itself again. My life, was good again. By the end of the summer, I was myself again. A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes. |
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| © Copyright 2001 walker - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
By the end of the summer. The rain, cleared all the dirt. The wind, took it all away. The grass, grew green again. The frogs, laid eggs again. My mind, grew strong again. My heart, mend itself again. My life, was good again. By the end of the summer, I was myself again." Oh, I really don't like to critique, but ok!!! I liked this very much. Now, IF I were wriitng it, (which I'm not  I would make the entire poem in present tense? Why you ask? You are asking right? To bring the Reader into the piece more effectively. example: the rain clears all the dirt (by the way, no comma needed after rain) focus on the nouns and the verbs in the piece. ending would be like: "by the end of summer, I will be myself again." I always say that a poem worth critiquing is one I enjoyed! And I did, very much. "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey." Laurie Lee |
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Mother_Earth Senior Member
since 2000-11-20
Posts 13701/2 year Texas & 1/2 year Michigan |
walker, I liked your "summer" and it looks good. I liked your words. ME |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
May I 'borrow' this title...I have an idea. I won't do so unless I hear back. Either way...I absolutely loved this...and related! |
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walker Member Elite
since 2001-02-11
Posts 2240Florida |
Go ahead, I'd love to read it! A quarter of a century must pass, for the writer to understand what and why he writes. |
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