Open Poetry #12 |
It's Still Up... |
nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
It's Still Up Three years ago or Christmas' it was I had let my tree stand it's ground. The year was barren, of feelings lost And I couldn't recapture them found. So my tree became special, I had written my verses The first explanation of three Once again, now, my tree is still up, Awaiting first visitor to me. the letter... it was so hard to sit with her and talk about the day ... having been to the cemetary crying the whole way she reached into her bag and from her wallet took out a small folded paper as I looked about she handed it to me twice folded tiny, square but neat I reached ... our hands met she said, "read it, my sweet" I gave her a look as I took the white square she gave a slight smile and I thought, should I dare? said, "open it please" so, I began to unfold as I read the first words I could tell it was old from their first year of marriage more than 50 years ago expecting my brother in two more days or so words of such warmth he had written to her as I continued to read something inside me did stir words that I never had heard him express words that could now show me his tenderness now it was my turn to reach out to her and cry for the words were my Dad's and I don't know why but I never knew him to have ever been this way this side he didn't show to us all, every day it was something so special and so very dear I wish I had known this before his last year they were gentle and loving the words that he wrote he had been in the army and on her, he did dote he was just checking in to make sure that she knew how much he missed her and that he loved her, too this was so hard for me to digest for I had been lost in my own unhappiness and wondering how my marriage could last another 25 years if it's been like the past she said, " honey the first 25 were as great as could be but the next 25, were more stressful, you see but you must work things out and you must compromise and then each passing day you will soon realize if the love that you share is both honest and true you will get through the hard times I promise this, to you and the more that you try there'll be better times, too and the bad ones will lessen until there are a few I know this", she said "I have been through it before it's just stages", she said "and you'll get through them, I'm sure" so I kissed her goodbye and I sent her back home to that place where she will now be living all alone but in that little wallet in that corner, thereof is a piece that remains from the one that she loved. M feb '99 Poetry, it seemed, been my latest of calls Aiding and filling my need. Not aware yet was I, of the next " what's to come" As my heart was in want of love's feed. My Valentine Tree I have been so very busy writing poems, so you see I haven't had the time, of late, to take down my Xmas tree. I took a look a moment ago and thought I'd start right now, to remove the decorations but then stopped again, thinking ... How beautiful the decorations were, of pink and burgundy! How the balls were filled with berry scent from the flowered potpourri. The ribbons adorned were gold in tone and the angels hanging there ... were staring back at me,as if to say, "WHO REALLY CARES?" Why should I take this tree down? Why not leave it there? It can be a wonderful reminder of a spiritual time of the year. I'll add some hearts, victorian cards and before my very eyes, I'll have the most wonderful Valentine. A Beautiful Surprise! I'll keep this up for this whole year and will then be able to think of the delight I have in seeing it. It's colors ... burgundy and pink. It will make my heart feel alive and full for each time I pass it by will remind me, this will be a better year, one with answers to my ?WHYS? I'll start today, to make those hearts and on each one there will be the name of someone special in my life, who's meant to me such happiness and filled MY HEART with love, fond memories. And bring them close, from near and far, both friends and family. As I sit and write my poems from here, my inspiration will be the JOY and LOVE I get from gazing at my Valentine Xmas Tree. 2/99 And as always I did it, I followed it through My tree was still up, "treasured love" But words from my mother that once made some sense Had lost rhythm in meaning, above. I won't see that 50 as she had with Dad, With his life gone, so too, went my own. Not of my choice, but what can one do When the answers are forever unknown. Indecision ... Love Undelivered I sometimes buy more than one card for each occasion that comes along. I do this because I find so many that seem just right for that special person I want to send it to. So, I become indecisive and I take them all. Today, as I am searching through my cards for Valentine's Day, I run across ... ~To My Dad on Valentine's Day~ ~To the # 1 Dad on Father's Day~ ~Happy Birthday, Dad~ To My Father on Christmas~ And I am saddened. Sad because now, all that is left are these special cards, loving cards, that I chose especially for my father, no one else, who will no longer be able to receive words of love, that were contained within. And I will no longer be able to see his eyes light up when he opens and reads the words, that I so lovingly chose just for him. Or watch the corners of his mouth turn up, as he lets out a soft laugh, after reading from those cards that have a touch of humor to them. How I wish now, that I had gathered, signed and delivered all of them to him in the last days he was with us. sighhhhh ... Wishes get you nowhere. But now that I have decided to leave my Xmas tree up for Valentine's Day, I think I will take all of my cards meant for 'Dad,' and write my loving messages on them, as I would have, place beautiful ribbons on each and attach them to my Valentine Tree of Love. And I hope that he is looking down and he knows they were meant for him ... that I miss him ... and the hurt is still there ... but lessening every day. 2/99 And I haven't moved from that day you see Addicted I have really become. Many a word, a thought, I have penned To release pent up loneliness of one. And yes, once removed, my Valentine Tree Put away for the last one, 'til this With another love lost, I've decided again To fill it with Valentine Bliss. I'll view it each morning, and light it each night The burgundies, mauves, ribboned so. Stay there it will, until life does unfold And happiness returns me my glow... ~Wynter/Moonchild...couldn't sleep, a little rambling going on in my mind "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II [This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (edited 02-12-2001).] |
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© Copyright 2001 Wynter Bliss - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Wynter~ This is absolutely beautiful. So nostalgic - so real. Perhaps it was meant for you to not sleep so this beautiful ramble would pour forth. So very, very touching. Your stories are each so lovely and I'm glad you chose to share them with us. Truthfully, it is one of the nicest sentiments I've seen written. It seems so very much like something I would expect to find written in Reader's Digest. Were I to find it there, I would read it - sigh - and smile ... just as it has caused me to do here. I find it very, very special. *Hugs* ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
It is real Marge, I just hope the tree doesn't have to stay up for three more years before I can have my first visitor...I would take a picture and show you but my digital camera is broken..another nice negative in my life *s thank you, huggzz ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
"So, I become indecisive and I take them all." Had to tell you...I love that line. So true to ME... and as for your "ramblings"...love it. The conversation with 'mom' was pure on-the-money sterling...loved the glimpse into your family album...who needs a digital cam when you can write like that, hmmm? I'm in a "huggy" mood...so more hugs for you, lady! |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
serenity I'll take those hugs and see you ten more {{hugzz}} well that letter was real, the discussions and my Valentine trees, too. And I have left mine up again this year...waiting for my first new visitor to enter my home if I can get it organized again and for my new life to begin...darn if that once sort of husband of mine (wonder what you do call him) isn't dragging his feet though and making that one difficult for me...sighing this morning, knowing another holiday will pass me by unnoticed... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
Two things about this should have stopped me from reading...first it's length, I'm not usually patient enough to read the long ones--ha; and second it's subject matter, I'm not very close to my family. But...I read it, every word and it is one of the nicest, most well written works I have come across here. I love your Valentine Xmas tree! Though I don't understand the part about not having a first visitor. (I once had a neighbor who kept her tree up year round, still decorated from Xmas---but she had no good reason for it...she was just a nut--ha). This truly touched me and it always surprises me when something I wouldn't expect to like does that. I also loved the folded up note, 50 years old...we should all be lucky enough to know a love like that! Thank you again. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
JLR...well here's what you are missing *s...on August 18th, Two weeks after our 30th anniversary my husband decided he didn't love me any more....and abandoned me shortly thereafter...for someone much younger....(although I tracked him down since)...and part of our bargain in giving him his freedom without a fight...is for him to complete some things in my home that he ignored for years..which he is doing. And until he is done, and isn't coming here anymore, I am awaiting my first visitor to come and share an evening, of my new life.....it's as simple as that...*s and since he didn't finish by Christmas and New Years, disappearing twice leaving me with a mess in here..I could have no visitors...now Valentines Day will pass also..but it won't be long now...thank you for your reading even though I knew it would be long...I am glad you did...huggzz for that ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
This took a great deal of introspection to write, as well as a great courage to post....and wonderful honesty to follow through with such explanations.... well done! |
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JLR Senior Member
since 2001-02-04
Posts 1785 |
Thanks for taking the time to fill me in. Can't wait to read what you write after that long anticipated first visitor. And hope it's not much longer you have to wait. |
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nakdthoughts Member Laureate
since 2000-10-29
Posts 19200Between the Lines |
Lady in White..the truth only hurts for awhile..and to be honest with you it all came as a complete shock to me...and I am still in the stages of grieving..or whatever they call it, it's just now I understand the reasons for his drinking and ruining of what we had...instead of his dealing with his loss of love for me. So when partners hold back, thinking they don't want to hurt each other, I think it would be better to tell the truth and save years of hurt and wondering and feeling worthless in the meantime... JLR, thank you so much for understanding, and I am hoping it won't take too much longer either, and when it happens you will see some wonderfully happy writing coming from me instead of all fantasy because I will be living again... ~Wynter "The worst prison would be a closed heart". ...Pope John Paul II |
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