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Open Poetry #11
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Absolution
| Open Poetry #11 |
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Absolution |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738
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There's beauty in my heart anew and it was planted there... A duty rules this bloat of blue and THAT was planted there. Unworthiness a yearn's dismay my soul's debris of every day the chance of dice a toss away I ramble, gamble, every day. Seven-UP!!! with life at stake Eleven...takes it all away. refusal's cry of revolution.. grin of win the soul's solution... The backboard seems too far away-- the dice too big (the music sways...) I toss them spry I close my eyes and pray for absolution. |
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| © Copyright 2000 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved | |||
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
Very fine piece!!! It's also quite wonderful that our fate does not have to be decided by casting lots. Some days, though, I'm sure it feels like it is just that. Those moments of despair when no end's in sight. |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
Serenity, Well done, I liked the last 3 lines. Cheers Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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ethome Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858New Brunswick Canada |
Sounds like a rough job...7:30 til 11:00 wow and all that time gambling..only to throw the dice and ask for a remmission of sins pronounced by a priest in the sacrement of reconciliation..Serenity you're getting so soul searching in your last few posts i've read...........bless you child.... I remember that you're partially a hotblooded romantic Acadian.....whew!! "Like to do some funky dixeland pretty mamma won't ya take me by the hand, by the hand yeah take me by the hand pretty mamma gonna dance with your daddy all night long.." write on girl!! |
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Mattster Junior Member
since 2000-11-17
Posts 29 |
serenity, What can I say? Great piece, I enjoyed on several levels. I especially liked the first stanza. The repetition of the third line, with a shift of the emphasis on the third word, really adds to the atmosphere that your words create. I am not sure about the middle stanzas, but the fourth one managed to draw my full attention and made me re-read it several times. I thought I'd give it a try and decided to browse through your older posts. You have a nice way with words. "Serious Writer" is another keeper. |
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OLIAS Senior Member
since 2000-06-20
Posts 1090Pearl city Iowa |
Ohh, I like the way this flows, great rythmn and excellent content, I love the format too. What can I say, I like it! Thanks for sharing, Regards, Olias |
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Seymour Tabin Member Empyrean
since 1999-07-07
Posts 31720Tamarac Fla |
Serenity, Good words, good thoughts, good write. Sy |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
great poem my friend. . . ---------------------------------------------------- That which gives light must endure burning --Victor Frankl |
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aurora rain Member
since 2000-11-15
Posts 90 |
i love it! especially the end lines. simply yet wonderfully written. |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
serenity, I would hate to get into a poetic wrestling match with you. You're tough!!! (any other kind would be acceptable  ) |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Unworthiness a yearn's dismay my soul's debris of every day the chance of dice a toss away I ramble, gamble, every day. Seven-UP!!! with life at stake Eleven...takes it all away refusal's cry of revolution.. grin of win the soul's solution... ================= "Eleven...takes it all away" this line just struck me...its so ... you... me thinks some things are out of our hands.. or control ... absolution or not...the cards will play themselves out... this poem is cooler than you know... so is the poet love you me twin me |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
m'gosh...thank you kind people...sorry for being so profuse t'nite...but hugs to me heart for being here...love you all. |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
I agree with Deer... You're good, my friend..  |
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