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Open Poetry #11

Time For Sleep

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

0 posted 2000-11-29 02:37 AM

Time For Sleep
Virginia Salter

It’s time for sleep
the air is chill
the sky is black
with stars that ache
to give their light
above the shroud
of reddened clouds

wrinkled blankets
twisted sheets
askew beneath
tossed clothes from weeks
wait away
waste away
lying in their matted heaps

at far end of domicile
as my heart
begs wait awhile
till sleep is sure
provide a cure
for lonely nights
unsated days
minutes go
while hours stay

silence
engulfs these moments
yet the voices
are so loud
crying for someone to care
hold my heart
lift me there
when all along
I’ve known there’s You
loving me the way You do
with soothing Spirit
powerful now
to give me wings
to show me how

© November 28, 2000

There's some lines here that I'm uncomfortable with. Which ones to you think they are...suggestions???

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

1 posted 2000-11-29 06:10 AM

I don't really know exactly which lines but I liked the poem and the mood setting...it is a good read.....hope you get more comfortable ...ethome

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

2 posted 2000-11-29 10:26 AM

Thanks, ethome. There's only one line that's bugging me this morning, so maybe I am becoming more comfortable with it. I'll read it again this evening and see what if anything is bothering.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2000-11-29 12:01 PM

VAS~ I couldn't begin to guess as to which line is bothering you, as I thought they were all wonderful

-SEA

VAS
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-11-16

Posts 7450
Oregon

4 posted 2000-11-29 07:35 PM

Thanks, SEA. The one that bothers me most is the one with 'wait away'

although I want to include the wait at a distant part of the house and the wasting as well, I'm not feeling like it's stated in an acceptable way

Those who have commented are making me feel more comfortable with that line.

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