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Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion

0 posted 2000-11-18 10:46 PM


Victorian Eyes

A sign outside the manor
message of black advent,
gates no longer open to me -
black bars with honed ends
warning to stand clear.

A question forms upon lips
still not comprehending loss
opportunity to plead my case
denied without a word -
communiqué at end.

Between two vertical rods
a face appears in the window
as the rain begins its steady fall
it distorts your image -
a frightening flash of truth.

You led me to this quagmire
gave me the addict’s taste,
into this well of love I fell
neglected, once the game
no longer held interest.

Peer as though you see me,
but I have come nocturnal
only my yellow orbs betray -
shining in your reflection
unfit for Victorian eyes.

© 2000 Corinne Bailey

© Copyright 2000 Corinne - All Rights Reserved
Parker
Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129
ON
1 posted 2000-11-18 10:55 PM


A very interesting piece Corinne.

You are always welcome to plead your case in my cell.  

Park

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
2 posted 2000-11-19 10:32 AM


Thanks, Park, plead I shall!

Corinne

Tiersdin
Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364
east coast
3 posted 2000-11-19 10:36 AM


excellent word weaving, great poem...

-Tier

Wilfred Yeats
Member Elite
since 2000-08-04
Posts 2704
Wilmington, Delaware
4 posted 2000-11-19 11:13 AM


once again with a brevity that truly amazes me - I saw the Victorean home- wrought iron gate and its windows - and myself standing in the rain - (sitting in my car more likely as I drive very slowly by ~G~) just as I did years ago when i lost a love  - the last line is just perfect!
VAS
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450
Oregon
5 posted 2000-11-19 11:14 AM


Absolutely intriguing piece, Corinne!  I don't fully understand what's being said, but I understand the feeling it evokes.  It seems to me to be like one of those that entire classes discuss with many different interpretations.  That is poetic power, is it not?
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
6 posted 2000-11-19 11:39 AM


Corinne, I had no idea I would have this effect on you....I'm sorry  

Come into my call anytime...it's padded!  

the poem is hauntingly special, by the way...

Corinne
Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167
state of confusion
7 posted 2000-11-19 12:20 PM


Tiersdin, thank you!  You have an intruiguing Nickname, I'm curious.  Is it a last name, or?

Wilfred, thank you, Bill, I'm still feeling unsettled about this one, don't think it's quite done, but at the same time, not sure I want to revisit it, know what I mean?

VAS, I think that is what bothers me about this poem, how to convey what it means without coming right out and saying it.  Thank you for the compliment, by the way.

Balladeer, if your cell is padded, I doubt I could ever escape! But then, would I want to??? And thank you!

Corinne
Corinne

Masked Intruder
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 Tours
Moderator
Senior Member
since 1999-05-23
Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets
8 posted 2000-12-15 04:32 AM


In my great well of ignorance I have no idea what the significance of the Victorian eyes are.  Enlighten me, wouldya?  However, I think you did portray your theme very well without just coming out and saying it.  Your images pop out with clarity; your tone stands alone (forgive the pun); just a great job all around.  

-me

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
9 posted 2000-12-15 04:40 AM


Great words arranged well there Corinne.... I love that last verse and hope that I'm not unfit for Victorian eyes that would be a shame being old fashioned like I am.... this is a great write dear poet lady ... continue!!
Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

10 posted 2000-12-15 05:17 AM


It is a pleasure to read something obviously written with care, and order and emotion. This is a fine poem, Corinne, speaks of much heartache and neglect.  The words are haunting, the term "Victorian eyes" I've never heard that.  I would venture to say you put a lot of time and care into this one. Thank you for posting it.

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day,
so I never have to live without you."

Winnie the Pooh



athena4
Senior Member
since 2000-12-10
Posts 622

11 posted 2000-12-15 03:13 PM


I just loved this!  "Victorian Eyes" creates such imagery you can almost feel yourself there. Beautiful!
            Elise

brian madden
Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374
ireland
12 posted 2000-12-15 03:38 PM


a very intense and atmospheric piece... excellent writing.

"an afixiation a fix on anything the line of life the limb of a tree
the hands of he and the promise that s/he is blessed among women".
Patti Smith

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2000-12-15 03:47 PM


You leave me with the feeling of a black cat, having glanced, decided it's time to leave...

and haunting, indeed!  Well done Corinne!


Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




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