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Open Poetry #11
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Sunshine
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Listening to every heart

0 posted 2000-12-08 07:14 PM


Name of the Game

living on the edge of opaque transparency
might you see through, within the skin of me
might you view, compelled, the written words of me
might you then be dispelled, and be repelled by me?

if I wrote a little piece, a poem or some prose
colored it with rainbows, decorated with a rose
sprinkle in some sunshine, tag it with a funny line
would you really then know which words were all mine?

say there was no byline, no signature nor sign
what if I left out those parts of me, especially a sigh
should perhaps I leave without the innermost of me
would you then come and look and read the poetry?

I think I may be most transparent
when I think and write of you
you inhabit all of my inner me
it's what you like to do

but when you look in this heart of mine
and see something special, a little shine
think then perhaps I'm not so obsequious
when I make grand attempts to write of us

but please do go now one step beyond
this transparency that you lean upon
this paper thin skin that you have rent
and keep in mind that as the willow is bent

that no matter what it is I write
I shall go on, through day and night
I shall survive, even if I am one
and know that I may never become undone

so will you know me with no name?
you may, if you continue with the game.




Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




© Copyright 2000 Karilea Rilling Jungel - All Rights Reserved
Marsha
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Maidstone Kent England
1 posted 2000-12-08 07:36 PM


Kari, this is utterly amazing, a truly outstanding piece of work from you. This is one of your very very best. This is brilliant, incandescent, luminous, it really shines. Just like your heart love. Would we know it was yours without your name? YES we would indeed, it has a special glow all of your own.
Truly stunning love
Take care
             Majestic Marsha
                      


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning


liquidphantasy
Junior Member
since 2000-12-04
Posts 15
california
2 posted 2000-12-08 07:39 PM


This is really really good!  
Who wrote this? Was it me?  

Anyway, I've been having the exact same thoughts lately!

Oh, and I really love the word "obsequious". You have added to my vocabulary and have also offered some excellent poetry to ease my heart and make me realize I am not alone in my thinking. Excellent work, Ms. Sunshine!

Poet deVine
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since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley
3 posted 2000-12-08 08:00 PM


Wow! One of your best and most powerful!  
Interloper
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since 2000-11-06
Posts 8369
Deep in the heart
4 posted 2000-12-08 08:05 PM


say there was no byline, no signature nor sign
what if I left out those parts of me, especially a sigh
should perhaps I leave without the innermost of me
would you then come and look and read the poetry?
================================
Absolutely!

You are the most amazing ....



Live for love. Without love, you don't live.


Balladeer
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Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
5 posted 2000-12-08 08:33 PM


No trite comment I could make would do justice to this poem...so let me just sit here, smile and quietly applaud...
Marge Tindal
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Florida's Foreverly Shores
6 posted 2000-12-08 11:16 PM


Karilea~
*Hugs* for the lady behind this piece ~
the poetess that is you ...

'should perhaps I leave without the innermost of me'

Oh never, mam ... never should you leave at all.
~*Marge*~



~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
noles1@totcon.com

Sunshine
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Listening to every heart
7 posted 2000-12-09 09:36 AM


Marsha, I think YOU would know me, nameless or otherwise...and I applaud you my little one...for never being fair-weather...thank you...

liquidphantasy...we are not alone...we just think we are...until we follow a dream...then we soar...thank you...

PdV...kind words from you, indeed...thank you very much...

Interloper...OK, you've got me asking...amazing...what? {~,^}...thank you...

'Deer...you caught the curtsey, I'm sure?...thank you...

Marge, believe me, you have taught me that it is OK to look within...and I thank YOU for that...



Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




Marsha
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since 2000-07-10
Posts 7423
Maidstone Kent England
8 posted 2000-12-09 09:57 AM


Kari love, as you would know me, even if I was to post under one of my other names, I know. This is a stunning piece love it really and truly is, as I've said before you are soaring, and I love to see you fly so high and beautifully.
(This morning, I had the site all to myself, I felt like a child in a sweetshop. All the goodies laid out and just me to taste them all. Utterly wonderful, unfortunately I didn't have long because I had to go to work. Still it was glorious, and I'm sure I left my heart prints all over the place.)
Take care
               Majestic Marsha
                      


Take back the hope you gave,- I claim
Only a memory of the same
Robert Browning


Sunshine
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Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2000-12-10 04:37 PM


and just like a child in a sweet shop Marsha, you double-dipped! Aren't you our treasure!?  Hugs...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




Charisma
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since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906
lost in blue pages
10 posted 2000-12-10 04:45 PM


outstanding, love and enjoyed reading it.


Charisma

Irish Rose
Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263

11 posted 2000-12-11 01:12 PM


Very interesting, the most original one I've read in a long time, Sunshine!



"Always be a first rate version of your self instead of a second rate version
of someone else." Marilyn Monroe


Sven
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since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
12 posted 2000-12-11 01:19 PM


I would just have to see your light my friend. . .

Beautiful. ..  

-------------------------------------------------------

That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl


Sunshine
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since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
13 posted 2000-12-11 09:21 PM


Sven, Irish, Charisma...there's no pulling the wool over your eyes is there...thank you all for your comments of light, originality, and the read...

Karilea
If I whisper, will you listen?...
I would rather be silent and write, than speak loudly and be bound.
KRJ




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