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Open Poetry #10

Eyes Of Tomorrow

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

0 posted 2000-09-29 12:41 PM

Eyes Of Tomorrow

And I looked into the eyes of tomorrow
and asked
how many chances do I get?
One,
for stupidity
One,
for innocence
One,
for injustice
One,
for pity?

But, the 'morrow blinked not an eye,
and spoke
in black velvet tones...
One,
for eternity.
And I knew at the moment,
as crystaline
and cold
as an icicle,
that I had lost.

Pity,
for there was so
much I had yet to do.

jinxed
Member

since 2000-09-27

Posts 86

1 posted 2000-09-29 02:50 PM

very good!!!!! like the style of writing and the presentation

great poem

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

2 posted 2000-09-29 03:20 PM

Thank you Jinxed!

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

3 posted 2000-09-30 08:26 AM

Seraphin,
I liked the flow of this piece. I particularly liked the ending.
Be well
Kethry

"It is the image in the mind that links us to lost treasures;
but it is the loss that shapes the image,
gathers the flowers weaves the garland."-

seraphin
Senior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 1004
Michigan

4 posted 2000-09-30 10:52 AM

Thank you Kethry. I found it just a wee bit too...staccato? Trying to rememdy that through format was difficult. It still has points where it doesnt ring true to my ears, but it is how I felt at the moment. Maybe I was just feeling staccato! I'd be interested to know if anyone else picks up on this too.

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

5 posted 2000-10-04 11:11 PM

Seraphin~
I rather liked the cryptic chant of this piece.
It fit quite nicely.
Well done.
~*Marge*~

~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~
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