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Open Poetry #10
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WAR (a parabelle)(redone)
| Open Poetry #10 |
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WAR (a parabelle)(redone) |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
With my mind twisted badly I feel like brother to wayoutwalt I wrote this and now I must take the tylenol from the vault. This is my first attempt at a paradelle...I hope I've done it right...Oh well here goes WAR Six hundred tall soldiers all lined in a row Six hundred tall soldiers all lined in a row Waiting for battle with an unbeatable foe Waiting for battle with an unbeatable foe Soldiers all lined in waiting, an unbeatable row, With a battle for six hundred tall foe. Horns cry aloud, the war will begin Horns cry aloud, the war will begin Blood will flow, and many die Blood will flow, and many die War horns will cry blood, Begin! The many flow and will die aloud. In the silence we honor the dead In the silence we honor the dead Upon gray stones great words will rest Upon gray stones great words will rest Gray words in great stones will rest upon the dead. We honor the silence. Horns begin, the blood honor for gray battle. All soldiers dead will rest, with six hundred tall stones lined in a row. Aloud we will cry, and in waiting, many die upon words.The silence will flow. The Great War...an unbeatable foe. [This message has been edited by Ron K. Fox (edited 11-01-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Ronald Kenneth Fox - All Rights Reserved | |||
SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
RonK~ I am so jealous!!! Now I'm gonna have to try to do this.......everyone is coming up with such great ones.......this is fantastic! Great job.  -SEA |
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SpitFire Member Elite
since 2000-04-19
Posts 2396 |
~Jealous too. Powerful words you wrote. Strong and touching to say the least. Take care. *Peace. |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
quite a war paradelle....*s* well now I know what tylenol is, mmmmmm...maybe I must try to do it once too... *lol*......I said maybe.... done a great job Charisma |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
The theme and thought are wonderful. A fantastic tribute and memorial. however if I may point out....... In the first stanza you left out the word all In the third stanza you omitted the word will and shouldn't there be a 4th stanza which is made up of all the words from the first three?.... wonderful work though Jamie Tu ne cede malis, sed contra audentior ito. - Virgil. "Yield thou not to adversity, but press on the more bravely". |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
..the best I have read..great job, write with words so true. Marcy |
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Romy Senior Member
since 2000-05-28
Posts 1170Plantation, Florida |
From one who has already dipped several times into the Paradelle-tylenol bottle, CONGRATULATIONS! Very well done! |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
Thanks prometheus...I didn't know how it works...I try to complete it, mucho gracias. Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
I've redone the mistakes...and added a last paragraph...hope this works...Thanks everyone Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox |
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SEA
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
Well, I thought it was fine the first time around.......and it is still great! -SEA |
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Great Poem before, now a great paradelle. All soldiers dead will rest, with six hundred tall lined stones, in a row. Aloud we will cry, and in waiting, many die upon words would this be better with "with six hundred tall stones lined in a row"? |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
A P P L A U S E ! ! ! |
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Ron K. Fox Senior Member
since 2000-10-24
Posts 925 |
Thanks Prometheus...it does sound better. Thanks again for the help. Tossing words like wishful coins into the deep well of an open heart. R. fox |
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Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-20
Posts 21191Cape Cod Massachusetts USA |
This is a job well done, Ron... I'm hunting down all of this month's paradelles today, and your's is certainly exceptional. I'm glad to see the workshop spilling over into Open too... Come join us this month... We're cooking up some more masochistic poetic brew...  |
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