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Open Poetry #10
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Dad
| Open Poetry #10 |
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Dad |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Dad... it must have been hard on you. You tried so hard to excel in everything you would do. Seven kids provided quite a mess. Seven lives could create a pocketfull of stress. Well good ole mom was around to tuck us in. You didn't consider that the duty of a man. You graduated from the old school of complete control. Feelings aren't so important to show and everyone must do exactly as they are told. I tried as hard as I could to fit in. Never understood why you couldn't just be my friend. They say the best things in life are free. I wanted you to let me be. Wasn't I capable to choose my own friends? I only wanted to make my own decisions and from there sink or swim. You wanted to contol me and I never needed that. I soon realized what I needed to do and that would be to get the heck away from you. Sure I ran wild for awhile but soon figured out my style. Wish me and you could have been friends. Seems you tried to open doors to let me in. But the damage had been done. I joined the Army so I could say goodbye. I left you dad. I didn't cry. Until that day you passed away and I was in Germany so far away. Dad now I can't say the words I wanted to say. I should have flown back from Germany to visit your before you died. Now it's my loss. I remain to miss you and cry. Much too late. Doesn't pay to hesitate to forgive the man who fathered me. Would have been nice to soothe this sorrow at the proper time and mend up the regrets of a troubled mind. Another sadly missed opportunity cause time doesn't want to wait too long for me. Perhaps he wasn't all that bad. Actually he was the best dad I ever had. Yep, that was my Dad. Jameslee@October19,2000 ThisoneisforyouDad restinpeace |
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| © Copyright 2000 JamesMichael - All Rights Reserved | |||
Elizabeth
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 1999-06-07
Posts 6871Minnesota |
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father, James. I'm sure, however, that he knows you are sorry and he forgives you. Elizabeth Something sweet, something sort of grandish, sweeps my soul when thou art near... hedeservesbetter@hotmail.com |
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Victoria
since 2000-08-12
Posts 5869 |
I wasnt with my dad either when he died..but i was a week before...and had to fly back again when he passed away..he knew he didnt have much time..but i told him we would all be together again one day..as i hope your father held on to that thought too..  ~Victoria~ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. - Paul Valery (1871-1945) |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
James~ my dear sweet friend....this made me cry......I'm so sorry for your hurting heart......((HUGS)) -SEA |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Hello my friend...this is so sad James...but you know he knew you loved him. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Thank you Elizabeth, Victoria, Sea and Paula. My dad passed away many years ago and I have grieved...still wondering why he was so emotionally unavailable and demanding...lived thru years of frustration and still feel like I missed the development of my personality during my childhood...wondering why I seem to hold onto some of the negatives and not the good parts of my dad...perhaps my expectations were too high...he was the best day I ever had...James |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
Morning James, I also was not there James, but I believe that they know, and forgive. Please accept my thoughts on your loss. It is painful, that I know too well, but time does heal all. Bill |
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Charisma
since 2000-09-30
Posts 5906lost in blue pages |
*well the first thing I did after reading your poem, was taking a deep breathe* so many feelings are familiar for me, and yes I was till the end with him, saw it more as my duty. I am glad for you, that you refound your love for your dad.....and that you can say after all that he was the best. Maybe it was your lost, that you were not able to be with him when he died, but you have the most precious gift back.....your love for him, and the ability to say that "he was the best dad". I would give everything if I could say that too, I wish that I could say that proudly. But for you I am glad that you can say that now, you describe your feelings so well. thanks for sharing this. Charisma |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Oh James ... what an incredibly emotional piece of writing this is. You've touched my heart deeply with this, and I hope you'll realize how genuinely I mean this, by saying that I will be picking up the phone to call my dad now. Thank you James. Best wishes and hugs to you, /Kit |
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Daniel J D Senior Member
since 2000-10-01
Posts 1471Hillcrest, Queensland, Australia |
From the old school or not, your dad is always your dad. I am sorry for your troubles, as is often said it takes the parting of a loved one to really appreciate their presence. I know it hurts him not beong there for you. Hang in there. Respond to my call and let the waves of my heart fill your life with the wonders of love (Daniel J D) |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
a wonderful dedication, and no, it doesn't matter how many years, it still hurts knowing we won't see them again. Take care "When red-haired girls scamper like roses over the rain-green grass, and the sun drips honey."" Laurie Lee Kathleen |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Bill I still wonder about my sons..how they were affected living thru a divorce. Charisma yes I am glad that I can see the good side of him..and I can say he was the best dad I ever had. Kit thank you and I hope you have a wonderful conversation with your Dad. Daniel yes a dad is always a dad. In this case that is what it took...time does run out. I have a son named Daniel. Irish yes knowing we will not see them again has a finality about it...all opportunities are lost. Yep I am accepting the blame. I didn't want to forgive my dad for failing to live up to my expectations. I was hard hearted towards my dad....no good can come from a hard heart...James |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
James, This was very sad my friend. I am sure your dad did the things he did because he loved you and that was his way of showing it. It is wonderful that you can see the good in him. Sorry you did not get a chance to tell him what he meant to you. I bet though, if you did, he would hear you . . . even now. Wonderful message that I think we all should heed. My dad and I are very close now, but it took my mother's death eight years ago for that relationship to truly blossom. I am thankful for it every day now. Lone Wolf< !signature--> Poetry should surprise by fine excess...it should strike the reader as a wording of his own highest thoughts and appear almost a remembrance. -J.Keats [This message has been edited by Lone Wolf (edited 10-22-2000).] |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Thank you Lone Wolf I have had those talks with my Dad before...he in heaven and me on earth...as you have suggested I have had one more talk with him and I feel happier now...James |
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Nate Dogg Senior Member
since 1999-11-15
Posts 1658Georgia, Fulton |
I don't know why Jimmy but I'm loving this piece more than your usual love stuff because this piece is excellent.... and I'm not taking away from your high quality work in the love department because it's awesome too....Peace! Nathan |
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Rainydays Member
since 2000-10-21
Posts 324 |
It is so difficult to lose someone, and especially when we haven't had the sort of closeness that we have really always wanted and needed with them. This is sad writing, yes, but I applaud your ability to put your feelings into these moving, poignant words, James, and to be willing to share them with the rest of us. Thank you. Rainydays |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
James such a sad situation. Not being able to say what you wanted until it is too late. So sad the whole thing. You are a special man you came over to dark to applaud my long sought inspiration poem feeling this way? That just proves again what a special man you are. And thanks for those kind words about the above poem they meant a lot... *hugs* Isis *Good will towards all beings is the highest religion* ~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~ |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
James such a sad situation. Not being able to say what you wanted until it is too late. So sad the whole thing. You are a special man you came over to dark to applaud my long sought inspiration poem feeling this way? That just proves again what a special man you are. And thanks for those kind words about the above poem they meant a lot... *hugs* Isis *Good will towards all beings is the highest religion* ~Isis~Goddess~~Sovereign of the Spirit~ |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nate, Rainydays and Isis thank you for sharing this walk down memories lane with me and my Dad...James |
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