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Open Poetry #7
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At last in peace
| Open Poetry #7 |
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At last in peace |
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Cassanova Junior Member
since 2000-04-12
Posts 39Turlock, Ca. |
At last in peace I watched you leave 8 years ago you said it was goodbye. I did my very best to show a smile and not to cry. My world was torn apart in two I lost all love for life. On that porch right there I knew you'd no longer be my wife. All our dreamy-dreams, Shattered into the wind. It's only now it seems, That I wish my love would end. For I still hold your heart, Inside mine each lonesome day. But now that we're apart There's things I wish to say. I wish to say I loved you Through good times and the bad. We should have talked it through Instead of growing mad. But things are as they are Our live's no longer one, My memory you still shun... A new life you've begun. So I place this lonely ribbon Of our heart's representation: On a gravestone of love riven And my hope's disintegration. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jason Monarch - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
How sad. Maybe one day you'll be able to say those things. If not, then there is a reason for everything I suppose.  Wonderful writing. Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau" |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
This is lovely and I hope this helps you to let go of those memories and to let all the love in your heart flow once again. James |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
So very sad. I don't know what I would do without my wife. She completes me. I hope you will one day find another to share that love locked inside. All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
Well Jase, since no one else is saying it, I guess it's up to me! I think the anguish shows through clearly, dying down to lonely regret at the end quite nicely, with just a dash of hope thrown in to leave the reader with something rather than melancholy. However, I think you could have done a bit better job on the rhyme scheme. Even I, who am by no means a master at writing rhyme, can see that this is a bit choppy, like you wanted to make sure you got the words in and still make it rhyme. I think the message and content was great, but perhaps the presentation could have been improved slightly. Chris |
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Lone Ranger Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 92Salvador , Bahia , Brazil |
Very sad , and very touching , very good poem... "Only in the dreams , is that man can truly be free It was always thus and always thus will be" Prof. Keating Dead Poets Society |
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