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Tell me what you think of my poetry.......please don't be too brutal.
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Tell me what you think of my poetry.......please don't be too brutal. |
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prinzezz15_4eva New Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 7 |
Untitled By: Ashley E. We shared a glance here and there, my own slice of heaven that, was never really mine. You'd look at me, but you'd never really see me I was just there. I wanted to be so much more, I wanted to be to you what you were to me... Everything. I wanted to be your heart, your soul, and your life long companion. You were so close to me, but then you were as distant as the stars that hang above. Just to touch your hands, to kiss your lips, to be yours, that was my dream, and then it was your nightmare. To stare into your eyes, and for you to stare back and see what I see... The most beautiful creature in the universe. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
I loved this Prinzezz, beautiful. Welcome to Passsions.  Je t'aime plus qu'hier et moins que demain." I love you more than yesterday and less than tomorrow (unkown) |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland |
Welcome to PAssions, a lovely poem. beautiful. ------------------------ "I've been too honest with myself I should have lied like everybody else"-Richey Edwards "Take nothing but pictures. Leave nothing but footprints. Kill nothing but time". Baltimore Grotto "Libraries gave us power Then work came and made us free What price now for a shallow piece of dignity" Nicky Wire, A design for Life. manic street preachers La Tristesse Durera (Scream to a Sigh) "Life has been unfaithful And it all promised so so much I am a relic I am just a petrified cry Wheeled out once a year, a cenotaph souvenir The applause nails down my silence La tristesse durera Scream to a sigh, to a sigh I see liberals I am just a fashion accessory People send postcards And they all hope I'm feeling well I retreat into self-pity, it's so easy Where they patronise my misery La tristesse durera Scream to a sigh, to a sigh I sold my medal It paid a bill It sells at market stalls Parades Milan catwalks The sadness will never go Will never go away Baby it's here to stay |
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Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
Longing for someone can be so hard to deal with at times. Even to a point of taking over ones life. I've been there and know how you feel. Your feelings were well expressed Ashley. Welcome to the Passions family ~Sheri~ [This message has been edited by Irie (edited 06-01-2000).] |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
Prinzezz! Welcome to Paschenzzz! (Just a little humor) A lovely, lovely poem "My own slice of heaven That was really never mine" I once had my own slice, too, so this really hit home, and so did the rest of this poem A wonderful poem. Look forward to more Lizzz |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Ashley, Great poem. You seem to be off to a good start here. The only suggestion I would offer would be to try to complete the phrase before ending your lines so that the flow is a little smoother. I like the form you used. Welcome to Passions!! Looking forward to more of your work. Lone Wolf Friends are friend forever if the Lord's the Lord of them and a friend will not say never cause the welcome will not end. --Michael W. Smith |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Ashley, this is a good first post! Welcome to the family. Please check your email for a special welcome.  |
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lorilockheart Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 206Alabama |
Ashley, You don't know how you've touched me with this. You have definitely spoken to my heart. I've had a very similar situation myself. Great first post. Welcome. I look forward to seeing more. Lori ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance. song by LeeAnn Womack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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Lorraine Nisbet Member
since 2000-05-18
Posts 218Jersey City, NJ USA |
Ashley, Lovely...lovely Welcome to Passions! ~Lorraine A great poet is nothing more....than a discovered amateur |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
ok, I have to be brutally honest. Its too, good, its too sweet, its too heartfelt, its too bad I didn't have you looking into my eyes and thinking this..... Parker |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
Ashley We shared a glance here and there, my own slice of heaven that, was never really mine. Now, those are killer lines - that is the right way to start a poem! You hit it so well - alas, now you have a lot to live up to (I think you will, too). psst - watch out for Parker - I suspect he's a devil... lol. And do not be led astray by the ever-wily Balladeer - he's so very suhmooth (not like me, I'm an angel.. err, that didn't come out right, did it?) Great poem - and welcome to the Forums - BTW - this is one of the most supportive sites you will ever grace - there are so many wonderful people in here - and the talent! It is often almost overwhelming how many really fine works are published in here - I can tell that you are going to be another of our laureates. Welcome aboard, lil Lassie. [This message has been edited by LngJhnAg (edited 06-02-2000).] |
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
Hi Princess, I can relate to it. I believe that " True love can't be hidden when it exists also it'll never show up if it wasn't there at all " .Just find out. But I believe there is someone for you out there who may find you. ((((((hugs))))))) A_L |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ashley, what a way to enter Passions...with a big hit! Make sure you take the opportunities to visit the other forums as well...I feel you could add a lot to each and every one of them! Welcome aboard! Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
.gif) Welcome to Passions Ashley!! This is filled with your heart, a tender wish and expressed with grace. Thank you for sharing this and I look forward to many more. |
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Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Well, I enjoyed it. Very heartfelt, and the ending was awesome. Welcome to the Passions Family. Don't worry, we're not brutal around here. Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau" |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Ashley welcome to Passions! This was an excellent first post...heck it was excellent period . you penned my heart in this one girl. i hope this person wakes up and realizes what they have standing in front of them...true love is such a rare gift. amazing how many people slap it down when its right there. i wish you lots of luck hon and hope you get your heart's desire!amy "Don't be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends." Theme of the Week 07/02/99 Fate....And Making It Happen "Fate exists but it can only take you so far, Because once you're there It's up to you to make it happen." |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
it was honest and heartfelt, I would love to see a little more imagery but then that's just "me" it was lovely and welcome!! Kathleen indy31_99@yahoo.com |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Welcome to Passions, Ashley! Your poem is a great expression ofyour heart! Denise |
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Lone Ranger Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 92Salvador , Bahia , Brazil |
WOW!!! I don't think that there can be any poem that I relate to , more than this one... excellent please want to see more from you you got yourself your first fan! "Only in the dreams , is that man can truly be free It was always thus and always thus will be" Prof. Keating Dead Poets Society |
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Eloise Senior Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 1096Wyoming |
Welcome to Passions. What a tender piece. |
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