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Open Poetry #7
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Unspoken Words..............archives
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Unspoken Words..............archives |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA 
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Unspoken Words She: Hey, lover! How ya doing? Just a call to say hello ( There's something I must tell you that I think you ought to know ) He: I'm doing good. Supposed to rain but otherwise I'm fine. ( It's great to hear your voice again. I wish that you were mine.) She: We've got some rain up our way, too. It shouldn't last too long. ( I have to move on with my life although I'm not too strong ) He: Here either. By tomorrow I am sure it will be gone. ( I'd love to tell you from my heart that you're the only one ) She: I have a date tomorrow night. I haven't met him yet. ( Perhaps it is a big mistake I'm destined to regret ) But Mary thinks he real nice and Karen likes him, too. ( But I would give all that I have if it could just be you ) He: Terrific! That sounds really good. I'm very glad for you. ( I know how much you love me but it's something you must do ) Don't stumble over your big feet if he asks you to dance! ( For I am with another and we never had the chance ) She: Don't worry about MY feet, you louse! They're smaller than YOUR feet! ( Things could have been so wonderful, had we the chance to meet ) I'm told that, on the dance floor, I'm as graceful as a swan. ( But, though I hold this love for you, my life must move along ) He: Be gentle with him, babe. You know how sharp your wit can be! ( How sad the night will be, I think, for you as well as me ) And, if you play your cards right he may ask you out again. ( I love you, babe. How differently our futures could have been! ) She: Well, that's it for tonight, old pal. A million things to do. ( Please understand the pain I feel and what I'm going through ) He: Take care and have a real good time. I'm really glad for you. ( sad ) [This message has been edited by Balladeer (edited 05-30-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael Mack - All Rights Reserved | |||
Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
Awesome B, and a flavor all your own, I love the orginality take this one to the top |
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Only you, a superb story teller/poet could say so much in so few words...this is one of your best sir...  |
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Rex Allen McCoy Member Elite
since 2000-01-30
Posts 2863Sippin a Timmy's in London |
Makes one think about how often this must happen ... very nice  Rex |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Balladeer~ I sort of like this poem. (It is soooo cool.) I guess you think it's pretty neat too ? (Obviously, you do ... you posted it again, thank goodness.) Just wanted you to know that I like it in a funny kind of way. (Actually, I think it's creative as hell ... and I'm jealously thinking that I wish I'd have thunk of it.) Love ya' (Love ya') ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ noles1@totcon.com |
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Angel Senior Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 551Pennsylvania |
Balladeer One Word : Wow It was so good I'm speechless (I really am and that doesn't happen much) Great Job! ~Susie "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "Driftwood" |
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Jeffrey Carter
since 2000-04-08
Posts 2367State of constant confusion! |
Hey Balladeer, YOU DA MAN All my love, Jeffrey I lie awake in a world filled with dreams, but dreams can be so real when you don't know you're asleep |
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devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
Dearest Mike...let me start by saying how much I LOVE this!!! Your format was wonderful...and I could feel the yearning of two lost lovers...let me stop babbling and leave you with applause!!! Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
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spiked Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 873Hammond, La USA |
very well done makes reading between the lines so easy thanx Rich |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Creative and interesting...reminds me of a phone conversation I had with one of my old friends. he---hello, I haven't seen you in a long time, how have you been? (I screwed up and I sure would like to see you again soon) she---well hello, I haven't heard from you in a long time. Guess what..I'm getting married to my old boyfriend. He's been calling me since you haven't. (but please say to me that I'm making a mistake and you are the one desiring to marry me) he---well o.k. I wish you well, goodbye. (I could tell her it should be me and her but I will only say goodbye) Hey...true phone conversation..this stuff really happens. James |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Balladeer; Terrific!! Talk about reading between the lines. All these guys should be as smart as you. Enjoyed this one lots.Marcy |
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tracie66 Member Elite
since 2000-01-18
Posts 4713Australia |
Bal~ This is remarkable, I love the way you put it together it reads beautifully You're just so darn good. Tracie~ Love is the life of the soul... It is the harmony of the universe |
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Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
Spectacular, imaginative, and oh so true to life! Incredible work Baladeer, I absolutely adored this! Extremely well done! Best wishes, /Kit |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey 'deer...this is awesome! Reminds me of a short story I kind of half wrote called 'Conversation/Arguing' - LOL... You are so talented and don't you forget it. K |
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Irish Rose Member Patricius
since 2000-04-06
Posts 10263 |
if lover's were mind readers the world would be playing musical chairs. this was lovely Kathleen indy31_99@yahoo.com |
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Corazon Senior Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 1209 |
if only what is in our hearts could just be said, and done...if only life were easy...great poem bal, sad but beautiful |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
Balladeer, this is too, true, I've had this conversation so many times. As for Alle'cram comment, women should also be put in that pile.... they are just the same as us when it comes to communicating. Now as an off thought, how would this poem play out if you were talking to your kitty Kat.... Owner: Oh, your a pretty kitty, would you like a scratch behind the ear... (if only I had a pretty girl friend like you, that liked to be scratched behind the ear) Kitty: Purr Purr (oh, Master I adore you, yes more more).  ..........lol |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
LOL at parker...hey parker did I tell ya I have 2 new kittens LOL MY DEAR BALLADEER... I ADORE THIS POEM!!! it is so perfect, I love the sentiment and it is so true when the pain wont let us speak our hearts. wonderful tender writing by you sir!! later deer-gator jm There are places inside our souls ... that have never been touched. There are places inside our hearts ... that need to be loved this much. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, everyone. I'm glad you enjoyed it and, yes, it certainly does smack of real life for sure. I appreciate every comment. Parker, you're a loony tune |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
I agree with Marge, - this format is totally cool and inventive! And, I think we have all been in this position at one time or another. Nice job, "Deer" Corinne |
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RainbowGirl Member Elite
since 1999-07-31
Posts 3023United Kingdom |
If only we could be as honest in parting as we are when in love...would ease many a broken heart, I'm sure...I wonder why people feel the need to sidestep when walking away....*sigh*.. Great work as always.. HUSG |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Ball & Hal....huh-nope, just ask us anything, you can't fool us gals, that is. {smile} aaaahhhhhh, maybe sometimes. You guys suppose to know what we're thinking anyway. allecram ps:would add smiley here, jest dunno' how! |
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Elizabeth Santos Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269Pennsylvania |
I am smiling big time. Clap, clap, clap ..... Liz |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
I don't think I've ever read anything more true to life. Excellent, Balladeer! Denise |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
You hit it right on the mark!! This is great!! I know I have had this conversation a time or two...were you tapping my line??? thanks for sharing!! |
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LngJhnAg Member Elite
since 1999-07-23
Posts 3508Boot+Kitty=Poetry in motion |
'Deer - this is a great poem. You are definitely creative. Hale - you have inspired me - thanks |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
This one screams truth, 'Deer one... but it does so in beautifully blended 3 part harmony. *S* Great job! |
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Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
The unspoken Rules men think but never say... for Alle'cram * If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of those ways makes you sad or angry... we meant the other way. * Department stores and malls were purposely designed so that when you want to look at bed linen, shower curtains or handbags, there are always some speakers, tires or sporting equipment nearby. * We don't know ANYTHING about handbags. Please, don't even ask. * We DID water the plants. They died anyway. Nobody knows why this happens. * Silence does not always need to be filled with discussions about "us" and "the relationship." * It is in neither your best interest or ours to take those stupid magazine quizzes together. * Actually, you probably don't want to know what we're thinking about. * Good things for you to help us with: the Sunday crossword, yard work, the dishes, cleaning, and grocery shopping. * Things you should let us do alone: figuring out where we are, watching anything on TBS, playing cards, and home repair. * Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we. * Curley is the bald one. * Unless you are willing to follow the careers of Cal Ripken, Michael Jordan, or Arnold Schwarzenegger, don't expect us to know what Helen Gurley Brown, Hilary Clinton, or Naomi Wolf are up to. * Socks never constitute a gift. * Dinner out is a pretty good birthday present. Two tickets to a ball game are even better. * Two hot dogs and a drink at a baseball game do, in fact, constitute going out to dinner. * Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days. * You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both. * Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs. * No, you can't have the remote control. * When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, your saying "This is our exit" is not necessary. not necessarlly my spoken viewpoint... |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
I like it, but can I write it? I dunno, but your poem makes it worth a shot. A |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Balladeer, Yep, I remember this'un from the first go'round. Didn't comment then, figgered it was about time ( eight years later). You still tell a good story. Doc |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Dear Deer,I was roaming for a while tonight and found one I had not read before.Enjoyed it very much. jo |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Thank you, Jo |
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