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Open Poetry #7

to be revealed

danny
Junior Member

since 2000-05-09

Posts 18

0 posted 2000-05-09 04:17 PM

no title

as i lay here with no sight
she flys on wings of night
through the emotions of my heart
to bring them in her sight
she will ponder them then start

with my sanity shell tear
my strands of dignity she'll wear
as a feather on each wing
whilst my pride to her she'll bring
to rape and wallow in

my hopes and dreams she scatters
on the wind that from her shatters
my mind my heart my soul
for these are her true goal
whilst she flys thats all that matters

i hear her cry within my mind
and feel her screams of pain as mine
only when she's gone will i find peace
until then my pain wont cease
from only heartache comes her kind

when i wake she will have left
as for now she will not rest
she will fly and scream her name
her name of hurt her name of pain

for she is loneliness

Marina
Member Elite

since 2000-02-10

Posts 2245
Pickering, Ontario

1 posted 2000-05-09 11:10 PM

Danny, Welcome to Passions!!!
i look forward to reading more of your work.

Marina

REBECCA ALLYN
Member

since 2000-05-09

Posts 91
Lima,Ohio

2 posted 2000-05-09 11:14 PM

I really like this poem
it gets right at you,
I can't wait to hear more!!

Becky

Brandyn Sand
Member

since 2000-04-21

Posts 82
Columbia, SC

3 posted 2000-05-10 06:40 AM

I have a real weakness for poems that bring emotions to life as a tangible thing.

And I am so glad I stumbled on to this. You penned "lonliness" quite effectively. *whew!* Here's hoping you can come up with a title to match the outstanding content. GR8 Job!

Kit McCallum

Administrator

Member Laureate

since 2000-04-30

Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2000-05-10 06:49 AM

"only when she's gone will i find peace"

This line is so beautiful when compared to your topic of loneliness Danny. Very thought-provoking ... I enjoyed your poem a great deal, and look forward to more.

Best wishes,
/Kit

[This message has been edited by Kit McCallum (edited 05-10-2000).]

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