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Open Poetry #7
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Time Leak
| Open Poetry #7 |
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Time Leak |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California 
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Time Leak What a path it is across this narrow and how will I bridge this troubled stream with this small foot all around are stones buried in time’s trekking with these broken brooding and fallen treeless limbs we are all stranded here it seems looking for a way across the valley where the sun has melted the clouds and I can clearly see the stitches of some clever hand that knows about how to cross travail. Each thought now is wrapped up thus packaged and incumbered a brightly anticipated gift daring in nestled excelsior and placed just so but opening is so wearing for words melt across me with yearning’s unspoken music that says leap now jump and dance with driftwood fairies for time leaks and too soon will be undone. [This message has been edited by Martie (edited 05-07-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Martie Odell Ingebretsen - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Martie, my friend~ How exquisite your thoughts on this day. A treat to savor ... again and again. 'but opening is so wearing for words melt across me with yearning’s unspoken music that says leap now jump and dance with driftwood fairies for time leaks and too soon will be undone.' 'Leap now', indeed ! I LOVE THIS ! Just love it ! ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
Martie, this is some very fine writing here... i especially liked the last stanza... many wonderful lines in here-- "but opening is so wearing for words melt across me with yearning’s unspoken music" i wish i wrote that! it gave me chills... and spoke to me today. Thank you. -doreen |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Lovely Martie -- -- yes, never waste a moment in time to take time out for yourself -- LEAP -----and land where ever you may feel. netswan |
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Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648 |
Oh, how true, Martie. This is beautifully done, too! But of course!  Denise |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Marge--you leap all the time..me, I have to ponder first. Thanks for such a sweet comment. Doreen--A very nice compliment coming from a poet I admire. Thank you Netswan--I can see us all now leaping around like Passion's frogs... Denise--Thanks for the beautiful comment. |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Ah, Martie... I had to read that four times before I even took a breathe. Absolutely...wonderful! A little "picky, picky" thing though. In verse 3, line 1, I think the "away" should be "a way". And in the next line shouldn't that be "mottled the clouds"? Molted is like a bird shedding feathers. And in the 4th verse "daring in nestled excelsior" would probably be more correct if it was "daringly nestled in excelsior". I'm wrong a lot though, so smack if I am, because it's a beautiful poem. j. [This message has been edited by jwesley (edited 05-07-2000).] |
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Marge Tindal
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Ah, JWesley~ It's Ah, Martie ... not Ah, Marge ! SMACK ! Picky - picky is right ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - *Ah, Martie ... I love ya' gal ! Ah,~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
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Meadowmuse Member Elite
since 1999-12-27
Posts 3263 |
Well I think JWesley is right... It IS a beautiful poem!!! Loved it Martie... ~ Claire Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other's eyes for an instant?......Henry David Thoreau |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
Sorry Martie, soon as I hit the send key I realized my mistake and tried to hurry and change it...but, alas, I was caught and am now if full flight...woe is me... |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Ah Marge--you are so sweet and protective...I think I'll keep you. Hugs! (but you took my SMACK) Claire--Thanks Claire for the wonderful reply. Jwesley--To hold your breath through 4 readings is a great compliment--thank you!! and I appreciate you pointing out a few things that I really do need to change. |
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Cerenity Member Elite
since 2000-02-16
Posts 2637Escondido-California |
Good morning Martie, This is wonderful my dear, perfect just the way it is, enjoyed much. Love, Cerenity |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Good morning Cerenity--thanks so much for your lovely comment! |
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Rosemary J. Gwaltney Senior Member
since 1999-08-26
Posts 997northern mountains, Idaho |
This is lovely. I especially enjoyed the last stanza. Beautifully written, Martie. The spiritual wind that holds survivors aloft, plants the seeds from which bloom new hope ... R.J.G. |
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