»
Archives
»
Open Poetry #7
»
But A Dream
| Open Poetry #7 |
|
But A Dream |
|
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration 
|
But A Dream who is this woman I see in black and white fantasy tale ‘cross oceans deep ‘neath painted clouds soaring through the gale of a winter lonely after tides and troubles spawned in sorrow now drowned in hope drenched in laughter coming on the morrow through laughter’s currents coursing as a butterfly in the sky with the wingspan of a dove who journeys earthen’s eye gazing lovingly from above o’er this nymph-like silhouette floating silent in my sleep dancing avian pirouettes whils’t I watch on and I weep with wondermental sighs at her form cast out of smiles and all the ever-while my mind inside me cries as in incremental miles her visage fades and dies and I greet the moon’s exile with heavy heart’s denial for after all she was but a dream |
||
| © Copyright 2000 C.G. Ward - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
 Christopher* This is very beautiful....but now let me tell you why I think so... spawned in sorrow now drowned in hope The vision is painted of a woman that has been hurt in her past and now has found happiness in coming to you, someone to rescue, and someone for you to show all the beauty that life has to offer and she to show you. as a butterfly in the sky with the wingspan of a dove You've added an angelic quality implying that she is just a dream making her even more desireable....and I for one am partial to the butterfly line anyway  whils’t I watch on and I weep with wondermental sighs This I was unsure, weeping due to the pain of not reaching her or weeping due to the breath taking beauty that she beholds, but none the less the imagery is awesome here. my mind inside me cries as in incremental miles her visage fades and dies The torment of loosing her is felt deeply within your words, a powerful moment in this piece...the crucial turning point. for after all she was but a dream The ending hit me two ways...I read this a few times over....first of all the slap in the face at the end...the final blow that she was an image...a very powerful one but an image none the less. The second way I took this was that you were telling your self that there was no doubt that she would go because she was just a dream, as though you weren't allowing the dream to come true. In short....lol...this was magnificent and I loved every line. **Sweet Dreams**(for one day they will come true) Hold me for yesterday Kiss me for tomorrow But love me for today. |
||
|
devina Member Elite
since 1999-10-28
Posts 3539Cali |
JUST a dream eh?? Sounds like Fate waiting to happen m'friend...  Now don't let Michael give you too much to drink this weekend...or should I say, don't let him drink too much?? LMAO....You too have fun for me too, will ya?? Lovely poem too btw... Open arms can be the most fragile in the world... |
||
|
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136Mobile, AL |
Your talent is my inspiration. How do you do that so beautifully? Nothing can deter a poet, for he is actuated by pure love. Who can predict his comings and goings? "Thoreau" |
||
|
CocoBaci Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 3043 |
I silently sigh reading your eloquent words tonite whispering to me at this late hour of wonderous dreams from the wings of your mind that you have shared with me tonite. |
||
|
serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Ah...now I know where all your words go... Like this emotional side of you...another dreamy poem from you...Do you write these in your sleep? Okay...Okay...I'll shut up...I hear I talk too much...lolol... but seriously, this is more than lovely... |
||
|
Sudhir Iyer Member Ascendant
since 2000-04-26
Posts 6943Mumbai, India : now in Belgium |
Christopher Brilliant etchwork of a dream..... Liked each bit of this one. Regards, Sudhir In any moment of decision, The best thing you can do is the right thing, The next-best thing is the wrong thing, And the worst thing you can do is nothing. - Theodore Roosevelt |
||
|
Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
The words tumbled upon themselves and the imagery burst out of the poem so eloquently, my friend. Truly lovely.  |
||
|
Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774Ontario, Canada |
I love your style Christopher! The words flowed effortlessly from one line to the next with such romance and charm. Beautiful! /Kit |
||
|
Marilyn Member Elite
since 1999-09-26
Posts 2621Ontario, Canada |
Ahh the yearning of a dream and the disapointment of waking to find that was all it was. Don't discard the dream so fast my friend. They can be a sign of what is coming or they can make us happy and peaceful for the time we sleep. Enjoy them my friend. Wonderfully written as always. When you are old and grey and full of sleep, And nodding by the fire, take down this book, And slowly read, and dream of the soft look Your eyes had once, and of their shodows deep; How many loved your moments of glad grace, And loved your beauty with love false or true, But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you, And loved the sorrows of your changing face... William Butler Yeats |
||
Marge Tindal 
since 1999-11-06
Posts 42384Florida's Foreverly Shores |
Christopher~ This is an elegantly longing piece of your heart. 'whils’t I watch on and I weep with wondermental sighs' What a lovely word is 'wondermental' ... poetically creative. I get a feeling of deja vu ... she is someone you knew and wish you had kept but now your sorrow lies in knowing she 'flies' for someone else. She is a recurring dream, is she not? Beautifully elusive, my friend. Love your sentimentality. ~*Marge*~ ~*The pen of the poet never runs out of ink, as long as we breathe.*~ [email protected] |
||
|
Irie Senior Member
since 1999-12-01
Posts 1493Washington State |
What a dream you have writen here Chris. This was great...of course I expect nothing less from you, (no pressure) heheKeep it up! ~S |
||
|
Parker Member Elite
since 2000-01-06
Posts 3129ON |
I'm not a good poetry critic, so my explainations will be simple. I really like the style you use here. All softened frasings to give it that dream quality. "who is this woman I see in black and white fantasy tale" Very good to weave black and white into it, like they say that thats how we dream... I really like how you describe waking from it "her visage fades and dies and I greet the moon’s exile" everything else flow so softly. Very nice. Parker |
||
|
A Romantic Heart Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496Forever In Your Heart |
Christopher....As poets we dream..and express them to others through our poetry, you have expressed yourself well, I love the detail of words you chose...this was very romantic! My favorite lines...with the wingspan of a dove who journeys earthen’s eye gazing lovingly from above o’er this nymph-like silhouette floating silent in my sleep dancing avian pirouettes whils’t I watch on and I weep with wondermental sighs at her form cast out of smiles |
||
|
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I really like this style, Chris. And fascinating imagery to boot. Took me many places this one did, my friend. Michael |
||
|
Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I want to thakn everyone for replying so kindly to this poem. I know it's not up there with the "best of," but then again, they don't all have to be, do they! |
||
|
Kellsue Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 210Waukesha, WI USA |
Lovely poem... you are a gifted writer. ~Kellsue  Reflect upon your present blessings-of which every man has many-not on your past misfortunes, of which all men have some. ~Charles Dickens We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. ~Winston Churchill |
||
|
WhiteNite Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 241Montgomery, AL |
Well... *I* thought it was up there with the "best of" but my opinion only matters to me. =) Awesome poetry here. Thanks. "Don't let your character get camoflaged with your environment. Find who you are and let it stay in its true colors." --Rachel Joy Scott |
||
|
Skyfyre Senior Member
since 1999-08-15
Posts 1906Sitting in Michael's Lap |
The first time I read this, I must admit I wasn't too impressed (you know this). But on consideration, and on rereading (several times), I feel as though I must serve myself up a slice of humble pie and admit that the fault may have lain not with the writing, but with the reading ... I cannot imagine what else it could be, since I cannot seem to find those faults, now, that seemed so glaringly obvious to me before -- LOL. Though 'tis not quite perfection, I contest that this is a masterpiece of flow ... the eye and mind are swept along the page, to a wistful sigh endwise ... Well done' my friend, and I apologize for my previous haste. --Me Full fathom five thy father lies, Of his bones are coral made, Those are pearls that were his eyes; Nothing of him that doth fade But doth suffer a sea-change Into something rich and strange... --William Shakespeare, from The Tempest |
||
|
Rosebud1229 Senior Member
since 2000-04-05
Posts 1813North Carolina |
Christopher this was a very beautiful poem, showed lots of love and feeling attached to it. Sounds to me like your fantasy woman, Who is this woman I see, maybe in time your dreams will become reality. I'm sure dreams are sometimes a deeper meaning of our unconsciousness. Sometimes I think we want something that seems so far away and so hard to attain it becomes a fantasy, this is what leads to such beautiful and inspring poetry. Who is this woman you see, she's your lover, she's your friend she's your angel, she can laugh she can cry. She can take you to new worlds. Your dreams whether real or fantasy are yours and a part of you. But a dream is so heavenly to me, as if your lover is connected to you at all times no matter how far apart. Thanks for this it was very lovely. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
