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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-07-19 10:25 PM

This is a poem I wrote just a little while ago and I know it needs some work so any suggestions are needed. Thank you.

True love is so hard to find
I have looked so many times
My eyes are to tired to search anymore
I have looked to my very core
Then I looked in the most unsuspecting place
I see a boy with an unforgettable face
His smile so relaxed, his eyes direct at me
And he knows, I know, everyone can see
The connection from across the room
Our eyes meet, our souls to consume
Unspeaking glance, continues forever
What I see, I never forget, never
But never say never because it can lead
To trouble that you never foreseen
But true love is there I can feel
So what you see is what you get for real

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2002-07-20 10:37 AM

Riley, I'm far from being a teacher, I'm still learning

but if I may...

True love is so hard to find
I have looked so many times
My eyes are too tired to search anymore
I have looked to my very core

Then I looked in an unsuspecting place
I see a boy with an unforgettable face
His smile so relaxed, he directs his eyes toward me
And he knows, I know, that everyone can see

The connection from across the room
Our eyes meet, our souls to consume
Unspeaking glance, continues forever
What I see, I'll never forget, never

But never say never because it can lead
To trouble that you never foresee
True love is there, I can feel
So what you see is what is real

Enjoyed this...thank you!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2002-07-20 10:49 AM

Thank you, I knew it was pretty, whats the word, maybe raw or something like that but thank you again.

BloomingRose
Member Elite

since 2000-08-09

Posts 3092
Florida

3 posted 2002-07-20 04:59 PM

What I read is heartfelt with alot of potential.
Keep writing and learning with all of us here at Passion's.
Well done!

Deb

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

4 posted 2002-07-20 11:26 PM

Riley: Enjoyed your poem and the expressiveness of it.

Betty Lou Hebert

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