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gringakiwi
Member

since 2003-08-05

Posts 189

0 posted 2003-08-31 06:50 AM

One night
in southerly dew
icy air
and kisses without promises
fiery stars
break through moonlit clouds
igniting passion
between two strangers on the shore.
Time passes
taking inhibitions with its rhythm
tides change
and wash away lovers' hope.

Dark Angel
Member Patricius

since 1999-08-04

Posts 10095

1 posted 2003-08-31 07:03 AM

I love the poem within the poem

fate is not just
whose cooking smells good
but which way the wind blows

(Ani DiFranco)

Joyce Johnson

Member Rara Avis

since 2001-03-10

Posts 9912
Washington State

2 posted 2003-08-31 09:54 AM

Clever and lovely. Joyce

junemac
Senior Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 1005
uk

3 posted 2003-08-31 12:35 PM

this is really good !!!
i love it and i think you could never improve this one (its perfect )

hugs june x

Trillium

Member Patricius

since 2001-03-09

Posts 12098
Idaho, USA

4 posted 2003-09-01 08:34 PM

gringakiwi: I really like this poem and the title is captivating!

Betty Lou Hebert

Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

5 posted 2003-09-01 09:25 PM

lovely...made me cry...reminds me of those amazing times i shared with someone who couldnt care less. anyways, wonderful write.

~*Alnilam*~
"The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood."

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

6 posted 2003-09-02 09:51 AM

I could see all the images very vividly. The ocean, the starlit night, two people meeting by chance... you know what I mean, but I loved the feeling I got of the midnight air on the ocean shoreline! Wow thanks for the trip to the beach, and I didn't even have to leave home...Very sweet, but heart-breaking, and sad, too. :'(

SharaRose @-->--

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

7 posted 2003-09-02 10:01 AM

Connie~
This is very, very well written~

Love 'the turn of tide' twist to it~
Great imagery ... it took me there~
*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*When the heart grieves over what it has lost,
the spirit rejoices over what it has left.
- Sufi epigram
[email protected]

gringakiwi
Member

since 2003-08-05

Posts 189

8 posted 2003-09-02 11:51 PM

Thanks guys for commenting on this one, your lovely positive reinforcements are inspiration alone!
it is one of my favourite summer poems. *reminisces* sigh.

coyote
Senior Member

since 2001-03-17

Posts 1077

9 posted 2003-09-04 09:04 PM

Very good use of extended metaphor, kiwi.
I enjoyed reading.

coyote

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